Amanda Meets a Cousin, Part II

“Koko, you did it again, another great meal. How do you manage to have such variety? You have nuts for the squirrels, greens for the bunnies, even something for Alex and me.”

“Ah, that’s simple, my little Mandy. I have a lot of helpers that gather things up. I still have a few bags of cat food that we rescued when that truck overturned. I heard later that no one was hurt. Thank goodness for that. Ok, let’s let the cleanup crew do their job. The rest of us can go into the great room.”

Everyone cleaned up their area and the cleanup crew took over and finished up, They then joined everyone else in the largest room in the cave. After everyone found their places, Koko motioned for silence.

“Ok everyone, we have some important business to discuss. Amanda and Alex want to travel out to the country but they have asked us if there are things to be careful or to watch out for.”

“Amanda, are you two going just out to the country or are you thinking of walking all the way to the big forest?”

“Well Toto, it is Toto isn’t it? It’s hard to tell you little squirrels apart. I for one would like to see the forest. How about you Alex?”

“Yes, I would also.”

“Amos?”

“There are some big (he tried to show how big, but his little paws just could not stretch that far), animals called deer. They aren’t mean, but they step on us little guys. That’s what happened to mommy. That’s why I live here now.”

“I’m sorry Amos. I didn’t mean to bring up bad memories.”

“It’s ok. I have big family now, don’t I Koko?”

“Yes Amos, you do. Amanda, Alex, I have to tell you there are some very mean animals that live in the big forest. To name a few, coyotes, wolves, and cougars.”

“Oh my. That actually sounds interesting.”

“Mandy, this is a long trip. I think we should rest up and leave bright and early.”

“Good point Alex.”

“Ok everyone, it’s bedtime.”

Amanda was so exited about the trip that she had a hard time getting to sleep. But soon she was in dreamland. She woke up to the smell of breakfast and some chattering that she could not quite understand but she thought she heard her name mentioned.

“Good morning Koko. I thought I heard you talking.”

“Hi Mandy. When he gets back here, I have someone for you to meet.”

“Sorry Koko, but when ya gotta go, you know what I mean. Hi Mandy! I haven’t seen you in a long time.”

“Aegis! What brings you to this side of the world?”

“Koko contacted me. She said you wanted me to watch over you two on your great trip.”

“Yes, I forgot I mentioned that. Thank you Koko.”

“You’re welcome Mandy. Now, I know you’re in a hurry to get going, but you are not going anywhere without breakfast. I’ll let you wake up Alex,”

Koko had another surprise for Amanda and Alex.

“Mandy, let me help you put this on.”

“What is it?”

“With a bit of help from the others, I made you each a little bag for food. When you get hungry, you can stop to eat and not worry about having to find something in the forest. All I ask is that you bring these back to me. They are yours, but by bringing them back, we know you made it safely.”

Yes, kitties can be embarrassed. Tune in later for the last part of this story.

The Zombie Cookbook Tour!

Ok everyone, as promised, here is the interview questions first, then the review for:

Two of the other authors have also answered these questions, so please read the comments section also to get a more complete picture of the authors.

Interview questions for The Zombie Cookbook, edited by Kim Richards

Answers by Karina Fabian, author of “Wokking Dead” and “My Big, Fat, Zombie Wedding”

1. ‘Personally I won’t cook ghouls without at least a pound of curried and brandied dill weed. What’s your preferred spices?’ {Note: I asked this question before reading the book}

Lots of vinegar–it’s an antibacterial, after all.

2. Director Deutch Dors devised a devilishly dour movie deal. His grand scheme was to garishly gather ghouls, trap then zap zombies. Once they signed a contract, they were all shipped via the flying Dutchman, to an uninhabited and uninhabitable island thinking this was a new reality show. The reality was that they now were trapped. What would these hapless zombies do for fun?

Eat each others’ brains. After that, it wouldn’t matter. You can make brainless fun out of just about anything.

3. Dr. Duchess Doris developed a serum to cure the undead and protect the living. What was her secret ingredient?

4.

If we told you, it wouldn’t be a secret, would it?

5. A massive invasion as described in “The Zombie Cookbook” would surely cause ripples across all the realms. How would Vern handle the situation?

For those who may not knkow: Vern is a Faerie dragon, living in our world and eeeking out a living as a private detective with Sister Grace, a nun/mage, for a partner. They solve mysteries and save the world on an all-too regular basis. Their adventures can be found at www.dragoneyepi.net, where you can purchase their stories or order their books. I’ll let Vern answer this question for himself.

Vern: What is it with your humans and zombies? Imagine sticking a roast in the back of your fridge and forgetting it so long it decays, takes on a life of its own and comes back to exact revenge. Disgusting, right? Well, that’s how dragons feel about zombies. As for what I’d do: a liberal application of drake-style pyrotechnics, followed by a long bath and gargling.

6. If you ask a zombie out on a date, do you go ‘Dutch Treat’?

I think I’d ask for separate checks. Separate tables. Separate restaurants…

7. You’ve been hired as a private cook at a very good salary. However, your employer will only allow you to use three spices. What are they?

Cinnamon, pepper and dried essence of braaaaaiiiins.

8. A Zombie Cookbook had many sales but one person really liked it and offered you a special reward. As a group you’ve been invited to spend a week’s vacation, all expenses paid, on the space station, using the new tourist mode. You may each take five items. What five will you take?

Will I get cell phone reception up there? Either way, I’d take it, since I can take pictures and video, and write notes. Then I’d bring four things of my kids’ choosing, so they could have something that’s been in space. (I’d also wear Rob’s wedding band, so it will have been in space with me, too, but since I’d be wearing a ring, anyway, I don’t think that would count.)

This could be long since each of the authors may want a chance at these questions. To keep this post at less than novel length, I’ll stop here, with only one more question.

8. Take as much space as you want and please let our readers know where to buy A Zombie cookbook and anything else you want to say.

Purchase The Zombie Cookbook through Amazon or directly from the publisher at http://www.damnationbooks.com/book.php?isbn=9781615720378. It’s available in electronic and print format.

If you’d like to know more about my own writings, I invite you to check out my website, www.fabianspace.com.

I’d just like to close by letting you know that Vern is buying some Listerine as I write this and thanks you oh-so warmly for making him have to think about zombies. He really does have an aversion to them.

Title: The Zombie Cookbook

Author: Anthology

Publisher: Damnation Books, LLC.

Copyright: 2009

ISBN: Digital: 978-1-61572-037-8; Print: 978-1-61572-036-1

Format: Ebook, print

Genre: Humor

One had a spring hanging from his–

Oh, that’s just not right!

Welcome to the world of Zombies and the people who love them. That list includes all who like horror stories and macabre humor like Karina Fabian, the author of the opening quote. Zombies aren’t really funny (imagine your 8th grade math teacher coming back), or are they? The Zombie cookbook puts a totally new twist on the lives or rather lack thereof, of such creatures.

“”stay.”

“You have to say his name, or he won’t know you’re talking to him. They are simple-minded that way.””

As you may have noticed, Lisa Haselton has her own zombie problems. This particular undead one likes to work in kitchens. What will they think of next? Let’s read on, and find out.

‘It uses the eyeballs poached but there is a special chocolate sauce for dipping that I just can’t get right.”

I guess you have to ask Lin Neiswender for the right recipe. I haven’t found it yet, but I’m looking. I’m expecting company this weekend and this looks like just what I need for appetizers.

“You can add a sprig of moonflower or nightshade for a mellow datura-induced ambiance.”

Kate Sender thanked our most competent muse conference mistress, Lea Schizas and Kim Richards for this tasty dish.

“Spotting fresh meat, Richard’s dad lets go of his prey and starts crawling off the seat—he’s much faster than the old man.”

Dawn Marshallsay’s zombies are trained. Read all about it and watch your back (wrist, arm, legs, etc). They’re everywhere, they’re everywhere!

“Her eyeball fell in and bobbed around a moment before sinking.”

I guess Carla Girtman’s “Brain Food” doesn’t include cooking instructions. Hmm, maybe there’s a lesson or two here for all you zombies out there? Check it out.

“I saw the brains of the dead as a resource to be used, and came up with the following recipe after much experimenting.”

Well, this is a cookbook after all. This delightful tidbit comes from the creative mind of Scott Virtes. Are we hungry yet?

“It was more like chewing on a heavily-seasoned, greasy, car tire!”

Our poor zombies can’t even get a decent meal these days. Cinsearae Santiago did the research and discovered humans just ain’t what they used to be.

““My dear, he may be a little stiff, but he is, as they say, stiff.””

I’m not sure I would want to go on a double date with Karina Fabian. She can really ‘dig up’ some unusual dates. However, the good news is that she is just writing about a zombie wedding. The question that comes to mind is, What do you serve at the reception?

There you have it boys, girls and zombies. The zombie cookbook and assorted readings by all listed. I believe you will find this to be a great addition to any library, both humorous and horror. Pick up a few copies today and amaze your friends with your good ‘taste’ in books.

Look out, here they come!

The Zombies are coming! Just in time for Halloween. Watch this spot Oct 7th for the Virtual Book Tour stop of one of our favorite authors. Karina Fabian is one of the featured authors in this wild collection of stories and recipes. More on Wednesday.

Amanda meets a cousin, part I

“Alex, why don’t we stop in to see Koko? Then we can go through the woods and out to the country.”

“I don’t know Mandy. We’re town kitties. I’ve heard scary stories about the country.”

“We can ask Koko to have Aegis keep an eye on us.”

“Well, ok. But let’s talk to Koko first.”

Giving everyone a big hug, they headed towards the woods and Koko’s place. But as they approached the entrance to Koko’s, they heard a huge ruckus going on inside. Alex wanted to turn back and return later. Amanda, to her credit, decided to get closer.

“… are dangerous to us. I don’t care how friendly they seem to be.”

Amanda ran back to where Alex was hiding. She had not heard the first part of the conversation but she did hear, scared her.

“Maybe you’re right Alex. There must be something bad and dangerous around here.”

“Uh, Mandy. We better check with Koko. That dangerous thing might get us before we get out of these woods.”

“Good point.”

Shyly, Amanda knocked on the door.

“The Wild Bunch! We were just talking about you.”

“But, but, I heard you mention something dangerous.”

“Ah, you overheard one of my new charges. Let me introduce you. Amos, please say hi to Amanda and Alex or as I like to call them, The Wild Bunch.”

“Bu, but, kitties eat little moles like me.”

“We don’t Amos. We just want to make friends with all kritters.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

“Ok, then hi.”

Amos did say hi, but he quickly scurried behind Koko for protection.

“So what do we owe the pleasure of your visit Mandy?”

“We’re thinking about traveling through the woods to the country.”

“NO, No, NO!”

“Amos, why are you squeaking so excitedly?”

“Because, miss Amanda, there are big bad animals out there.”

“He’s right Mandy. I think we should talk this over. Stay for supper and those of us that have been there can tell you what we know.”

“Ok Koko. Alex, let’s give Koko a helping hand with supper.”

The adventure continues in part II

A Wylde Night after the Game

The Day

It was not a safe night (or day) to be out in Iowa City. There were Zombies, Pirates, and Zombie Pirates everywhere! They even followed us over to the Mill. We could not get away from them. As soon as the band started singing “The Gallows Tree”, it seemed to draw more of the undead in, like a tractor beam. You’d think an accordion player wearing a black and red kilt would scare them off, but it didn’t.

It was International Talk Like a Pirate day. It was also when many cities and towns held the fundraiser, Zombie Walk. Ours, held in Iowa City, Iowa started off at a park and ended, appropriately, at Deadwood. I found out later that Deadwood is the name of a bar. Everyone met at the park alive but walked out undead. Face painting artists at the park were responsible for the transformation. Kyle, my son, called and said he was ‘zombie-ized’.

The Night

Many Zombies of legal age (is that an oxymoron?), met at The Mill. My other half couldn’t make it as she had to work. Angie went to see this awesome group and keep me company. She was not disappointed. Let me now introduce the band.

Wylde Nept plays Celtic music. Sitting still was not an option. Many of us know their music and would sing along. Wylde Nept is not traditional by and stretch of the imagination. The best way to get a true feel for their music is to watch the following video’s.

Bewitching Brenda 

Ugly Mrs Fen

And with that, I’ll let you catch your breath. Til next post…

It’s award time

 

I want to thank Jean Henry Mead for the kreativ Blogger Award.  I have been practicing the art of procrastination and am getting good at it. There are some rules attached to this though.

1. Thank the person who nominated you for this award.
2. Copy the logo and place it on your blog.
3. Link to the person who nominated you for this award.
4. Name 7 things about yourself that people might find interesting.
5. Nominate 7 Kreativ Bloggers.
6. Post links to the 7 blogs you nominate.
7. Leave a comment on each of the blogs letting them know they have been nominated.

I have selected:

1. Marvin Wilson for his old silly blog.

2. Joyce Anthony’s Books and Authors.

3. Jan Verhoef for a great blog.

4. Katrina Wampler’s Kat Logic.

5. Holly Jahangiri, It’s all a matter of perspective.

6. Joyce Scarbrough Blue Attitude.

7. Morgan Mandel’s Double M Take on Books.

These are some really great blogs to follow. All are writers of quality work. Now as for me, the seven sins of me are:

1. I am back to making beaded jewelry

2. I am the grandfather of the most beautiful young lady that has ever existed. (ok, so I’m a bit proud)

3. Plans are made to remarry the mother of our kids.

4. I hate sports, and chevy malibu’s (No I did not capitalize and that was intentional)

5. I retired from existing in a corporate world and bringing home a paycheck to retirement pay and living.

6. Because of number 5, I babysit every chance I get.

7. We lost our favorite kitty Rascal this summer.

 

That’s all there is to it. Now let’s get out there and nominate seven other fantastic bloggers!

Spell it out

Forty years ago it was decided we had a voice and it was time for that voice to be heard. Rock and Roll was just racket and the kids were, well, just kids. The parents were too busy making money to really pay us much attention. Excuse me! There is a war going on and our young are being killed and maimed and for what? We had no business being there. It was time to get the message to the adults who didn’t have a clue as to who or what their kids were. As adults it was easy to go to war and send the youngsters off. We did not approve of Viet Nam and we were about to let you know. We had access to a farm and we had the music lined up.

Can you hear us now?

Warning: the following clip is graphic in language.

Country Joe and The Fish – Vietnam Song (Woodstock)

I want my money!

What kind of a government is it that gives money to banks that can’t handle money? What kind of an idiot gives billions of dollars to a company that is failing? They don’t use that money to bail out their company, they give it out in bonus’s to their CEO’s. Does it make sense to give money to a bank that can’t handle money? No! We don’t have jobs. The poor keep getting poorer, so what does the government do? It gives billions of worthless dollars (Keep making it, they have the paper. Back it up with gold? Unheard of).  What do these idiots spend the money on? Do they create jobs? Do they give to the poor? No, they give it out in bonus’s to birdbrains that took the company downhill.

We are the idiots because we voted these (expletive)’s into office. They do not think much of the common person because all we would do with this stimulus money is waste it by buying things, like food and housing. We might even feed our children. Washington DC is farming central, at least for hogs because there is a lot of porkbarreling going on.

We live in an age where a person is washed up at 40. It does not matter how much education we get. Employers want people that are twenty years old with thirty years experience so they can untrain them and retrain them in their own methods. I say this because people will get school loans to get an education that they can’t use to find work. Then the government collects every extra penny you have to repay those loans. They do NOT care about you. All the government is concerned about is money and the rich.

Books on Amazon

Both of my books are now on Amazon. 

Laughs from Corn Country is an anthology of short and humorous stories. All these stories are G rated.

Laughs from Corn Country

Math for the family is a non fiction work that is what the title says. I cover from before numbers up through Boolean logic. There are no problems to work and it has twelve appendices.

Math for the Family

More information about the books and me can be found on my website:

http://roncberry.com

Food for Thought

Young children have a tendency to ask the simplest of questions for which there is no answer.

“Dad, why is the sky blue?”

You, being the all-knowing dad know this answer. You went to collage. Ok, your majors were girl watching and basket weaving but still, it’s a simple question.

“Because”

Ok, today’s children don’t really accept that logical answer.

“Because why?”

Oh boy. Now the sweat comes out. Ya gotta find an answer that will satisfy this little Einstein without admitting you never got the answer to this question right.

At this point you remember taking the course, ‘Questions little children ask’. Alas, the day this question came up, you were at the maternity ward waiting while the wife gave birth to this little monst, er, child that would one day confound you with this question. You try again.

“Because it’s the biggest crayon in Nature’s toybox.”

There, you have an answer that satisfies the question and it’s accepted. But, is it right? You now have a tool that will tell you the definitive answer, the Internet.

You type into Google, or whatever search engine you use,

“Why is the sky blue?”

From this search you learn two things. First, A clear cloudless day-time sky is blue because molecules in the air scatter blue light from the sun more than they scatter red light. Second, 122,000 other dads know this answer and posted it on the Internet. So, do you stick with your original answer or try to explain the real reason? Do you really want to admit that one and a quarter million dads know more that you? No, you just tell Mr. ask me a question,

“Breakfast time”

and leave it at that. But while little Johnny is plastering you, the walls, the high chair and the dog with Malt-o-Meal, you begin to wonder who puts these answers on the Internet. So after pulling out the industrial vacuum and scoop shovel, power washing the dog and giving Johnny to mom to clean up, you head back to the computer. How many other simple questions have answers and how many really dumb questions have been asked? I have to admit I asked that question myself. I don’t have room here to list the complete months long survey and statistical analysis I did, nor all the questions I asked.

Ok, I only asked the above question, but still… Pick a search engine, any search engine (or what’s behind door number 3), and type in the silliest question you can think of. There may be millions of hits. It doesn’t matter what the answer is. What I find so astounding is the number of answers that can number in the millions. Who put this stuff on the Internet? How many millions of people took the time to type up reports on why dirt is brown, or why is water wet? These are but two of the most earth shattering questions and people actually know the answer! In fact:

There are 7,640 answers to the dirt question and 303,000 answers to the wet water. For every question there is an answer and it’s on the Internet, all you have to do is look. What is so amazing is how many others have put information on this super encyclopedia. The index to this information is called a search engine, such as Google.

Have you posted anything to the net yet?