UNWRITER Ron Berry

February 29, 2012

Grande Openning

As you may have noticed, I added an e at the end of grand because There is a lot involved here. NASA is on the verge of finding an inhabitable planet nearby. Japan has the space elevator contract with Boeing spacecraft docking at the interplanetary airport, two stars and three asteroids to the left of our sun. That in and of itself is newsworthy but With a touch of imagination, it’s possible to see what will happen. The first three inhabitants will be:

1. A major realator.

2. Walmart

3. Safeway

Once the real estate company has a lock on all the best land, Walmart moves in followed by Safeway.  It is now time for the next two loads to be transported up to earth2. The first load is the contractors to build all the row houses and the second one stocks both stores. This will soon be followed by the road and pothole construction team and then the smartforearth2 vehicles.

The obvious next two loads are the politicians and the residents that voted for them. While this is going on, Verizon is expanding from 4G to Earth to Earth coverage (at a slightly higher rate of course and the new phones needed.) Microsoft will have the internet locked up with it’s new operating system Windows earthly. Power will be geothermal since Walmart broke ground and a natural heat vent which it immediately harnessed. The original idea for automotive power was steam (with all the politicians up there), but electricity was more practical and easier to control.

Thanks to modern genetics, they now have cows, pigs and chickens in pill form. Some idiot threw in the DNA of his cats so they are also in pill form. He tried to get the makings from his dog but just as he was getting ready to insert the needle, a car drove past. Thus the first farmers and ranchers can just carry a few cases of these pills and start their buisness. A rumor has it that the first guy to grab the cow pills realized he could make a fortune with the methane produced.

Since it will take time for the agriculture industry to take hold, the newly invented replicator and beef from plants will have to surfice. One enterprising couple, planning ahead, put in a very large order for these replicators and secured a contract with Walmart to provide the plastic dishes and tableware. They have also planned to use this machine to make copies of itself and sell them to other business ventures. What happens next is anyone’s guess but I would imagine that they will soon be looking for a bigger planet for the overstock.

February 27, 2012

She did it again, this time it’s Utopia Britain

 

Tanja Cilia

Welcome to Utopia

I have inadvertently upset and bemused my British friends. They could find no rhyme and reason as to why I decided to pick random examples of Americana in order to indicate similarities with what is going on in Malta.

After all, they said, Malta was a British Colony for n years, and technically, both the United Kingdom and the Republic of Malta are made up of a collection of islands, however much animosity exists amongst them.

Frankly, I always thought that the temperament of the British and that of the Maltese were different. They are supposed to have a stiff upper lip: we are hot-blooded, because we are Mediterranean.

However, it seems that what Margaret Thatcher said, i.e. “I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end,” counts for both nations.

Random Item #1: A quick look at the contestants in beauty contests will show us that the majority of Maltese contestants – at least those who do not titter when complimented for weight loss which would be due to liposuction – have rather heavy thighs and calves that are almost oval. The British, on the other hand, have calves and cankles.

Whereas he Maltese Doctor Sir Temi Żammit tracked down the source of brucellosis to the milk of infected cows,  the laurels for one of the silliest, most dangerous weight-loss ‘solutions’ ever invented must rest upon the head of a British Doctor.

In the 1950s, A.T.W. Simeons took the phrase “false pregnancy” to a whole new level. He suggested that a person (yes, even a man) could subsist on 500 calories a day, on condition that they also received daily injections hCG (the hormone human choriogonadotropin), which is produced in early pregnancy.

Playing about with hormones is never advisable; and indeed it was later discovered that this sorry excuse for an eating plan could give blinding headaches and blood clots, and cause depression. And the fact is that you are eating so little, that it probably does not matter what else you do to punish your body – you will lose weight anyway.

Whereas in certain cases hCG is used as part of fertility treatments, it is never advisable to use it in the aforesaid manner.

Random Item #2: The fashion for acronyms wormed its way into Maltese culture a long time ago, probably even further back than 4Ts and YTC, the first two I recall; and UI would say that 34U is not the last entity to be labelled thus, either.

Action for Employment was perhaps inevitably shortened to A4e.

David Cameron’s idea(l) was to find jobs for dole sharks and other unemployed people. Now we have revelations that some of the employees of one of the five firms entrusted with this commitment are facing investigation…over alleged fraud. Emma Harrison, Family Champion, said that she would stand down because “…I do not want the current media environment to distract from the very important work with troubled families.” The word is, however, that A4e has actually won two new contracts after her resignation; wonders never cease.

Should we be happy, therefore, that in Malta, the only negative press social services have received is about monies voted toward this essential issue? With even less money voted for them, workers in the social services sector will not even be able to think about committing fraud.

At least, fraud perpetuated by our public servants and those in NGOs do not involve families, at least directly.

Random Item #3: In order to ‘avoid’(sic) teenage pregnancies, teens may ask for 4cm-long contraceptive implants (involving a minor operation to introduce progestogen into the blood through implants fitted in the upper arm), or contraceptive injections – without the knowledge of their parents.

This is done in the girls’ schools, and under patient confidentiality rules, school staff is banned from asking for permission from the girls’ parents, although they are minors.

Therefore, if the girl “feels like” having sex, her only problems are getting an STD, and the 1% rate of failure. Wait!  If the boyfriend(s) know about the implants or shots, would they not pressure the girl, telling her she is “safe”?

Of course, “some” discomfort (acne, depression, headaches, weight gain nausea, breast tenderness and irregular or absence of periods) from this device or the injection are to be expected.

Then there are the double vision, epilepsy, and even coma associated with anti-HPV shots which would be given to provide additional protection,  are to be expected, but is that not a small price to pay for promiscuity? Incidentally, the “cervix-protecting” inoculation will shortly be made available to boys, although they do not have a cervix… just in case they experiment with homosexual relationships.

Let us be thankful for small mercies. Our teenagers “merely” dance half-naked on cubes in Paceville. Only a few (relatively speaking) Maltese teens end up having babies. We have no gangs that earn money off teenaged prostitutes. Many Maltese teens seem to be obsessed with the performing arts – singing, dancing, and modelling.

Random Item #4: British Labour MP for Falkirk, Eric Joyce, has been suspended by his party after head-butting and punching Tory Stuart Andrew, and brawling with four other Tories, in a bar at the House of Commons Strangers’ Bar.

Apparently, this was the follow-up to his not altogether complimentary speech in parliament, in which he mentioned the excess of Tories present. It took thirteen hours for him to sober up enough for police to question him.

Isn’t it nice that our (actual and potential) representatives spend their time quibbling about colours of ties and the frequency with which they are changed?

Why aren’t we happy that, instead of instigating drunken brawls, they post pictures of breakfasts, children, wives, lovers, parties attended, and recent haircuts on social sites, as well as flyers stuffed into our letter-boxes because Malta has no opt-out from junk mail facilities?

Wouldn’t you, too, rather be insular, parochial, and territorial, than progressive, liberal, and permissive?

 

February 21, 2012

Nirvana, by Tanja

Filed under: tributes — unwriter1 @ 6:33 am

The following was written by a very dear friend in Malta and it is very fitting to todays world.

 

 

Tanja Cilia

Welcome to Nirvana

I cannot tell the difference between American politicians in red soccer gear and those in blue baseball gear.  Besides, I am apolitical, so I take whatever they say at face value, not because they belong to this persuasion or the other party.

All I can say is that since America is a little larger than Malta, they have ample opportunities to learn from us, and then, perhaps inevitably since they are politicians, expound upon ‘our’ mistakes and pepper them with Americanisms.

We all know what happens when you pass something through non-human translators, and then render it back to its original language.  The chances are that it’s the same when Maltese politicians look at the result of their original actions, and try to shrink them back to Maltese dimensions.

Let us therefore, just in time for the Local Council Elections campaign, examine the wonderful opportunities that are simply waiting to be set into motion locally.

Random Example # 1: Anthony Federico showed off his knowledge of idiom and used the expression “Chink in the armor”.  The only snag is that he used it in connection with New York Knicks guard Jeremy Lin, who is, in fact, Chinese.

Federico said he did not make the connection; and yet the Entertainment and Sports Programming Network (ESPN) fired him because the connection was deemed racist and derogatory.

Since  foreigners playing for Maltese teams locally tend to be African or European, rather than Chinese, our witty politicos will have to  think, instead,  of all the place-names in Malta which can be used in both English and Maltese puns. At a pinch, there are also idioms that mention specific towns and villages that could be used to great effect.

Random Example #2: Newt Gingrich took his foot out of his mouth long enough to state “…If the NAACP [ National Association for the Advancement of Colored People] invites me, I’ll go to their convention and talk about why the African-American community should demand paychecks and not be satisfied with food stamps.” Here, it is being assumed that only black people rely on food stamps.

Black people in Malta tend to be refugees and we are fully aware of their plans to take over the nation and get voted into Parliament and then… what? But be can also have another take on this story and focus the spotlight on single parents – or rather, single mothers, instead.  Are they not the only people who play the welfare system locally? After all, we all know, don’t we, that in this fair land, there are no single mothers who work diligently to provide their offspring with money that comes out of a pay check from a white-collar job, do we not?

Random Example #3: A “Food Police Officer” decides that a child’s brown paper bag lunch is “a fail”.  She is told (yes, told) that she must eat chicken nuggets to bring the meal up to scratch. Now when an adult says that your mother did something wrong, it is already something terrible. But this incident is also about how a brown bread turkey and cheese sandwich, banana, and a few crisps, and a carton apple juice did not qualify as a healthy lunch.

Jani Kozlowski, the fiscal and statutory policy manager for the Division of Child Development, say that in fact, the lunch would have covered the protein, grain and dairy obtaining in the guidelines of the U.S. Department of Agriculture; it is stipulated that a meal must include a vegetable or a fruit, and not necessarily both.  Did I mention that parents would have to pay for anything the child is given? So, let’s all give out schoolchildren ‘healthy breakfasts. Cereal, milkshake, and prepared fruit salad ought to do it. Wait. This has already happened once or twice; but it’s not polite to look a gift horse in the mouth, is it?

Random Example #4: Women are sometimes careless about their (sexual) health, and forgo visits to the clinic. Not because it’s a question of time, or money, but because they just cannot be bothered to check out every single pain or discharge. And besides, random partners make for more UTIs and STDs and unwanted pregnancies. The solution is simple: just mandate that everyone is covered for everything – mammograms, gestational diabetes,  birth control, breast-feeding support, smear tests, and even, if needs must – because “accidents happen” – all FDA approved birth control methods, which include “the morning-after pill”.

Oh, joy. As a corollary, this would, by some marvellous reckoning of logic, (eventually) do away with the other type of spongers and scroungers; deadbeat dads who never give their partner enough money to get by, let alone have something extra for health checks. So what if some types of birth control methods are known to trigger certain conditions?  So what if certain strata of the population do not use contraception because their lifestyle makes it unnecessary. Like the aforementioned sugar- and fat- and additive-laden breakfasts, it’s “free”.

Or is there no such thing as a free lunch?

February 20, 2012

Chocolate Shake Please

Add plastic made from plants (technology exists), to test-tube hamburger (and other meats, coming this fall), to the Replicator (already exists) and you get Star Trek. It sounds far-fetched, but it is now possible. We already have many artificial flavors, made from natural and laboratory artificial ingredients. One can also find many artificial colors. So, how would it work?

On board a space station there would be a greenhouse for growing plants that would provide the oxygen for the station. Some of those ‘greens’ would also be the various vegetables. Instead of a lot of scraps, there would need to be a way to recycle. What better way than to feed these scraps of grasses and vegetables to a replicator?

A computer program would decide the combination and all it would take then is a vocal recognition program would be used for input. Make your selection and sit and enjoy a totally vegetarian meal that tastes like steak and potatoes. Star Trek is here!

November 3, 2011

Where’s the Money?

Filed under: rants — unwriter1 @ 6:57 am
Tags: , , , , ,

I’m a simple man. I don’t understand all this Wall Street jargon. Let’s face it, buy low, sell high makes sense, sort of. Let’s face it, buy low, sell high makes sense, sort of. You buy a stock at $2.00 and sell it for $3.00, but you pay your broker $1.25. You make a profit and lose money. Ah, I get it. You pay a broker whose primary function is to make you go broke. Ok, now that makes sense.

Here’s where it gets confusing. The American government makes money. No, it’s not from working because politicians talk a lot, work very little. Heaven forbid they have to spend their multi thousand dollar pay on deodorant because they had to sweat a bit. I mean the government has a press that uses ink and some funny paper to make something called bills. I’ve heard of them but as an ex working stiff, I don’t get to see any. The American stuff is backed with either gold or gold plate. The Euro is also backed with something valuable, like Churchill’s false teeth.

The question then is, where does this paper stuff go? It leaves the mint and poof, it vanishes. It doesn’t go to the banks. They say it does, but I don’t believe it. Banks are supposed to know how to handle money, yet they have to get bailed out by a government that doesn’t know how to handle money. Odd, because if this money stuff were in the hands of the people that actually work to earn it, it would circulate. Blood circulates and gives life. Money circulates and gives prosperity. Stop the blood, no more life. Stop the money circulation and the economy goes belly up.

Wait, I just figured it out. We don’t get the money, then the rich, non-working politician can buy cheap or rather, buy low. Tell ya what, I’ll pay my water bill (isn’t water supposed to be free?), with a pig, three chickens and a dozen eggs. For what it’s worth, I can find the beef.

 

Your fellow serf

Ron

November 1, 2011

The American Way

Freedom, remember that? We used to have it. Not any more. We are now a nation controlled by insurance companies, pantywaists, and an idiot named Obama. Smoking is bad for you. So, since it is bad, insurance companies and state fools, er, governments, ban it everywhere. But, there is a big push to legalize marijuana. This makes sense how? People are so afraid of smelling a cigarette that they will go to extremes to avoid it. Yet how many people are overcome by perfumes and colognes? Not to worry, that’s the next thing to get banned. Coming to work with even a hint of smoke will get you fired. Coming to work with a hangover is a great conversation starter and will get you invited out for a multi-cocktail lunch.

Women have finally won equality but that is about to end. Instead of just allowing a woman the right to just say no, others know what is really correct. Abortion will be banned. Where does that leave us? For the females that survive the back alley use-any-available-kitchen-utensil, their male counterparts will have to work two or more jobs to support the plethora of unwanted children. Not to worry though because children know when they aren’t wanted. So, since parents can no longer discipline their offspring, we can expect a lot more criminal activity. Mom didn’t want the child but the law does. Isn’t it nice to be wanted?

Sex and sexual activities are still allowed: if and only if you are heterosexual. Non-heterosexuality is genetic. It cannot be changed through therapy. But you don’t need to know science to be in politics. Take a look at who is running for office this year for proof.

Ladies, considering the way this country is changing, there are only two things you can do. Start smoking to prevent getting pregnant or a job, and grow your hair long, thus allowing the male to have something to grab hold of as he drags you into his mancave.

October 29, 2011

And the Idiots are…

If you’re rich, you can afford to not have kids. But, if you are low income, the kids will keep flowing. Of course these kids will become wards of the state or just more street kids. Governor Perry doesn’t like Planned Parenthood that gives out free or low cost birth control. But he does believe in marriage. Ok, so now it’s low income families living on the street.

He doesn’t like gay marriages. So he doesn’t have to marry a guy. He’d be an ugly wife anyway. Why can’t he believe in freedom? He, like others, wants to set women’s right back two thousand years. Excuse me Mr. Perry and Madame Buchanan, but being gay is genetic, not a switch that can be turned off or on.

How many women do we want killed in back alleys when they use whatever is in the kitchen drawer to abort a child? I myself prefer a clean medical office with real doctors. No, I don’t believe in abortion but I strongly believe in the woman’s right to choose. Has no one heard of the word No? If ya don’t want one or don’t believe in it, DON’T GET ONE!

I could go on, but I think you see the point. Genetics really does count.

October 20, 2011

Review of The Promise of Deer Run

Filed under: reviews — unwriter1 @ 4:49 pm
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Elaine Cooper has written the second of three romantic historical novels. The Promise of Deer Run is number two. Her blog tour will be Nov 7 – 11. My review follows:

Title: The Promise of Deer Run

Author: Elaine Marie Cooper

Publisher: iUniverse

Copyright: 2011

ISBN: 978-1-4620-3796-4 (3797-1, 3798-8)

Format: Paperback

Genre: Historical romance

 

“The nightmare was
back, plaguing Nathaniel Stearns sleep.”

War indeed is a nightmare and when the enemy is your former
countrymen, it’s worse. Thus we start our journey through family’s lives at the
end of the American Revolution. This is not your typical war or typical romance
novel. It is fiction based fact and well written. As Elaine Cooper writes, you
the reader are in the story. Imagine being put in stocks for being mildly
disobedient. This incident is not glossed over but shown with stark detail.
Hungry? Need to use the facilities?

 

We have just covered the first twenty or so pages. The
details have been deeply researched. ‘The Promise of Deer Run’ is the second of
three in the series. It is here we understand the family structure. Working
together as a family wasn’t a desire so much as a vital necessity. ‘The Promise
of Deer Run’ has as much history as it does romance.

 

It is a book I strongly recommend because too many modern
Americans have lost sight of what makes this country great. We see movies about
this country’s beginning but in ‘The Promise of Deer Run’, we get a close up
view of the families; their struggles and their accomplishments. Have you read
The Declaration of Independence lately? You’ll want to after your first read of
this book.

October 16, 2011

It’s time to look at books

Filed under: books — unwriter1 @ 11:36 am
Tags: , , , , , , ,

It is time to talk holidays. One of the most endearing gifts are books and I just happen to have three of them. Check out http://ronberryfamily.com/.
For pure entertainment I wrote “Laughs from Corn Country”, an anthology of short stories. Those pesky math problems can be figured out easier with “Math for the Family“. No problems to work but a lot of good and often humorous examples. Have young children? The first of the Amanda series is available, but only on Kindle. You were going to give Kindles as holiday presents, weren’t you? Just for the record, Laughs from Corn Country and Math for the Family is also available on Kindle.

Comments welcome on contact page.

October 15, 2011

To be an American

Red Skelton was a great comedian. He was also one of our greatest patriots. He recorded the Pledge of Allegiance and reiterated what one of his teachers taught him about it. After the class had recited it, this instructor went through the pledge line by line and explained what each line meant. It’s too bad Obama never heard it.

If anyone wants to hear it, contact me and I’ll send it. I feel it is very important all Americans know what this country is all about. Yes, we are a melting pot, but one must understand that when things melt, they become one. We have not reached that stage yet, but we are feeling the heat.

I won’t apologize for this rant as I am a true American. Are you?

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