UNWRITER Ron Berry

October 2, 2008

Truth and Intimacy – Lacresha’s story

Filed under: writing — unwriter1 @ 5:00 am
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Today we have the privelege of having Lacresha tell us her side of the story behind Truth and Intimacy; A Couples Journey.

 

1.      How did you and Lensey meet?

 

We met at his church during a revival.

 

2.      With your troubled past, do you ever have flashbacks? If so, how do you two resolve them?

 

I don’t have many flashbacks. So, we’ve not had to deal with that so far. I pray I never do have flashbacks.

 

3.      Trust in a marriage is a big issue. In Truth and Intimacy: A Couple’s Journal, you both find this to be a major factor also. How do you counsel others that have had a rough past to show them trust can be rebuilt?

 

Normally, I tell couples that trust has to be placed in a person through God and Him alone. We are all human. We all make mistakes. There’s no use in allowing a mistake to ruin your relationship. When you are filled with distrust for your spouse, you can’t really enjoy them at all. Everything seems hollow. Life is too short to spend going through the motions like that. Make a decision to forgive and to begin again, repairing the damaged areas. I refuse to stay in a marriage and be unhappy and settle for that. If I’m going to stay, I’m definitely going to make it work.

 

4.      The marriage vows say in sickness and in health. The word sickness covers a broad spectrum. Mistrust and dishonesty, especially with oneself is one form. How do you minister to this?

 

My grandmother used to tell me this: if you deceive me, there’s some hope, but when you deceive yourself, who can help you then? The answer, of course, is the saving knowledge of Christ. He is TRUTH. However, He doesn’t do it all. He gives us the tools to do it. He gives us courage and strength to face the truth. Most people only lie to themselves because the truth seems too painful to bear. It’s not much different than drinking to cover your fears and issues. Why go through that for a lifetime when you can just go on and get it over with by facing it.

 

5. Truth and Intimacy is a very catchy title. How much actual input did you have?

 

All of it. LOL! I’m joking. My husband wrote and rewrote. I wrote and rewrote. It was a group effort. I loved every moment of it.

 

6. You say you ‘build’ intimacy. Can you expand on that a bit?

 

It’s not a given. It has to be worked at and worked on. When I see the word intimacy, to be honest, I always think either sex or secrets. The intimacy couples build is secrets, or better worded, a secret place that only they have access to. That has to be built together.

 

7. Another very good line talks about avoiding those who are brutally honest. Was Lensey this honest?

 

Gosh no! He’s more like lukewarm honest, or absolutely silent. LOL! He hates hurting people’s feelings so he keeps his trap shut, something I need to learn to do. He’s the nice cop at church. I’m the bad cop. It works out. He’s more modest, reserved, etc. Now, if you can get him to open his mouth, he’ll tell you the truth surrounded with several things to make you feel good about yourself while being rebuked. LOL!

 

8. It is easy to trust a person that is totally honest. Does the other person’s obvious pain give one a more favorable impression of that person’s honesty?

 

I surround myself with hard-nosed people. I appreciate honesty. But, when a person is hurt, most of their words cut like a samurai sword. It doesn’t heal, or edify. It only destroys self-esteem, friendships and marriages. Look at it like a doctor with the flu trying to do brain surgery on you. Never mind. I’ll take my chances with my brain issues is the thought that comes to mind. So honesty is good, but only from a compassionate and loving heart.

 

9. Knowing a person’s painful past can be a deterrent to intimacy. Do you see that as a true statement?

 

I’m with Lensey on this one. It really all depends. I think that it’s all in the eyes of the beholder.

 

10. Tell our readers, please, your impressions with the book, Truth and Intimacy: A Couples Journal.

 

I love our book. I love the real life stories we received from couples. I love the intimate exercises section. I love everything about it. It works. We are proof that it works, even for those who think they are incompatible. Marriage is not about compatibility. It is about commitment. Once you’re in it, you better learn what you must to bring harmony to your home. This book was just a different kind of book altogether. I’m proud that my name is on the cover.

 

11. How do you go about rekindling romance?

 

You do it by pushing other things back that distract you, pure and simple. You had romance. What made it diminish? Nine out of ten times, it was responsibilities, duties, you know, bills, children, etc. So, taking some downtime with your spouse goes a long way toward rekindling sparks, lightning, flames or burning infernos (whatever your preference). LOL!

 

12. You mention supporting your partner’s goals and dreams. Do you feel you have to believe in them also, or just offer positive support?

 

I think you can pretend to support them and not believe in them. But, to truly support them, you MUST believe in them. You don’t have to understand it all, just believe that your spouse can accomplish whatever it is.

 

13. Integrity is difficult to put together with intimacy. Can you go into more detail with this?

 

To tell you a secret, he wanted to talk about intimacy, his specialty. That man is a sure enough sweet guy, all the time. I wanted to talk about truth in relationships, which is my specialty. After discussing it, we found out that they blend seamlessly. You need to know a person, trust them, believe in them, respect them to consider them to say you are intimate with them. It all comes from truth, integrity, and those kinds of things. It just worked together perfectly.

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11 Comments »

  1. […] ematrimonials wrote an interesting post today on […]

    Pingback by Truth and Intimacy - Lacresha’s story | jdTVu — October 2, 2008 @ 5:15 am | Reply

  2. Lacresha,

    You are a wonderful, kind, generous human being and Lensey is one lucky guy. From your desicription of Lensey, sounds like you’re pretty fortunate yourself…or perhaps you were just smart enough to pick the perfect partner for you:-).

    Comment by Charlotte — October 2, 2008 @ 2:28 pm | Reply

  3. Nice idea, having Lensey and Lacresha answer the same Q’s in two separate posts with their own unique perspectives. I enjoyed both. Lacresha, I couldn’t agree with you more about truth and intimacy being seamlessly interconnected. You cannot have one without the other. Unless you are just deceiving yourself and your partner, which negates both intimacy AND truth.

    Looking forward to having Lensey visit with me and my readers on the 10th!

    Marvin Blogs at Free Spirit: http:..inspiritandtruths.blogspot.com/
    Eye Twitter 2 – http://twitter.com/Paize_Fiddler

    Comment by Marvin D Wilson — October 2, 2008 @ 2:53 pm | Reply

  4. What wonderful, insightful answers from both of you! I think this book would make the PERFECT wedding gift for all young couples, and I plan to get it for my niece and her husband.

    Thanks for sharing your experiences with the world!

    Comment by Joyce Scarbrough — October 2, 2008 @ 3:13 pm | Reply

  5. It’s nice to see how your answers are different from your husband’s but similar. Good communication there between the two of you. 🙂

    Comment by Amber — October 2, 2008 @ 3:26 pm | Reply

  6. I didn’t know you had the same questions as me. I might would have put a little more detail. LOL! Great answers, baby.

    Comment by Lensey Hayes — October 2, 2008 @ 3:31 pm | Reply

  7. Lacresha, that’s the funniest interview I’ve seen you do. I can tell you’re happy. That’s a good thing. You said some really important stuff, girl. My husband and I are more the burning inferno type people, but lately it’s been like a cold lump of coal. I need to help in that area. Everything has drowned my sex life. I feel anything but sexual.

    Comment by Debbie Todd — October 2, 2008 @ 3:39 pm | Reply

  8. A really nice interview – thanks!

    Comment by Dana Fredsti — October 2, 2008 @ 3:59 pm | Reply

  9. Thanks for the positive feedback, guys. I appreciate it.

    Debbie, to be honest, it happens sometimes and you just don’t respond to regular stimuli. You have to keep searching for the cause and then attack it, if this is something that your relationship still needs, or if you miss your sex drive. Working out can do amazing things there too.

    Comment by Lacresha Hayes — October 2, 2008 @ 4:21 pm | Reply

  10. Great job with the answers, Lacresha!! I’m glad Joyce S. mentioned wedding gift–my oldest nephew just got married and this would be perfect for them!

    Comment by Joyce A. Anthony — October 2, 2008 @ 6:10 pm | Reply

  11. I really enjoyed reading the two interviews with the same questions.

    Comment by lillieammann — October 4, 2008 @ 8:16 pm | Reply


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