UNWRITER Ron Berry

December 11, 2008

What is Santa Claus (may be a reprint)

Filed under: Essays — unwriter1 @ 11:24 pm
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“Excuse me? Don’t you mean WHO is Santa Claus?””No”

You’ve gone to the mall to get those earrings for your old aunt Doris, knowing full well she will lose them within a week. As you walk towards the department store you see a line extending out to the parking lot and almost wish you had hearing aids because those can be turned off. It’s pure bedlam with the kids yelling and the parents screaming to tell them to either be quiet or no Santa Claus. You’ve been here before. You know every kid in this line is waiting to see that fat man dressed in Red. You know also that he is a fake even though you may have told your kids he was a representative of the real thing. Believe it or not, you didn’t lie.

So what is Santa Claus?

“Oh good grief, this idiot keeps talking about what, not who.”

Yep. That’s because Santa Claus is the spirit of Christmas. His reputation is that he has a list of good and bad. Every child gets a reward of some kind, the good ones get toys, the bad ones get underwear. That means, oh wait a minute, that is not right. That is the materialistic Santa Claus. That is not who or what Santa Claus, the real one, is about. Santa Claus, Christmas is not about getting. That is the selfish; I deserve such and such, philosophy. Ah, you’ve figured it out; it’s all about giving. Your first thought is, I’m not giving Aunt loseseverthing earrings, I’ll give her a new microwave. That’s too big for her to even lose. Wait, she did lose her car one time, no, her son took it. Anyway.

No, you have not figured it out. The spirit of Christmas is not about the giving of material things. It’s the time of year when we focus on giving of ourselves, our love, our kindness, towards others. Write this on your hand, then slap your forehead, maybe that way it will sink in that this is what we are supposed to do all the time. Maybe, just maybe, if half the world did this, the other half would get the message. But how do we convince half the world? Ah, that is the easiest part. You the individual live that way and let those around you see your happiness. Help them copy you. Happiness is contagious. Smile and nod courteously at all you see.

Ok, we’re back to that same nagging question, what is Santa Claus? He is the embodiment of all that the great holiday is for. We are celebrating the birth of our savior. We are throwing him a worldwide birthday party and our gifts are peace, love, and kindness. That is what Santa Claus is.

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Christmas’s Near Miss

Filed under: Uncategorized — unwriter1 @ 11:50 am
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It was a horrible year!!! Global warming had done a real number at the North Pole. There was snow, but it was more slush than anything. Getting the supplies to the workshop was extra hard on the elves and the reindeer. As you must know, the North Pole is a vast complex with warehouses on the outskirts and special warehouses that house the baking supplies. There are caravans that trek back and forth bringing what is needed. This is made more difficult when the snow isn’t packed firmly. Last week, the sleigh load that Rudolph was bringing in, slid sideways and cracked a runner. It took several hours to get that repaired.”Santa, if I don’t get more sugar soon, I won’t be able to get these cookies done in time”.

“I’ve got a crew headed out now.”

The baking supplies were in a warehouse way on the other side of the complex. To get these, the elves had to go in a snowmobile. They used to use the reindeer, but Blitzen and Donner kept getting into the sugar. I guess that was the secret to such sweet animals. But, this year, George, the head elf had to dig out the old golf cart they had because the snowmobile couldn’t make it over such barren terrain.

“Sorry it took so long Ma’am. That golf cart was buried under all those old tickle me Elmo’s and they raised such a racket it woke up the reindeer. I had to calm them down before I could leave!”

“At least you got it here. Thank you George.”

It was a close call! But at least Mrs. Claus was back in the baking business. She had just put in one of her favorite creations when suddenly, George rushed through the door, in a major panic!

“Santa! We have a major problem. Somehow the pixie dust got wet! This warm weather must have cracked the roof or something. I have a crew up there checking now. But it will never dry in time for Christmas!!!!”

“Oh dear! What ever am I to do? I’ve never missed a Christmas!”

Santa did the only thing he could. He sent an urgent plea to every storybook character available (thank goodness most of them had Instant Messenger on their computers). Humpty Dumpty replied, but when Santa pointed out that they had to go to the rooftops, he declined. He asked all the kings horses and the kings men, but they had a foxhunt that demanded their time. Santa was in a major funk. What ever was he to do?

He headed out to think over a cup of hot cocoa and a plate of hotter sugar cookies. Christmas just was not going to be the same. Was there any hope of recovery? By his third cookie, Santa was really feeling dejected. Then he heard the familiar beep of a message coming in. Slowly, knowing that there probably was no one that could help, he wandered back to his computer.

“Hey Pops. I think I know who can help.”

It had to be Peter Cottontail, he was the only one that could get away with calling Santa Claus Pops.

“I’ve twisted my paw, so I’m laid up for a few days, but I’ve contacted Peter Rabbit and he said he would hop right over. He’s the ideal replacement since his alter ego, The Easter Bunny hops all over the world also.”

“Thank heavens!!! We’re saved!”

So when you check your roof this Christmas morn, you’ll see bunny tracks. You won’t see Peter though because he’s a white rabbit, and will blend in with the snow. It will indeed be a white Christmas!

This year, put carrot cake and water out for his visit. You’ll hear him, maybe, singing “Hop around the Christmas tree”

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