UNWRITER Ron Berry

December 18, 2008

Rudy – A Christmas story

Filed under: humor — unwriter1 @ 10:45 pm
Tags: , , ,

The following story is the Christmas story that Carol Percer was tagged to write. I asked for and got, permission to print it here. Read and enjoy.

 

 
“Rudy”

“I’m so glad you’re meeting with me!” Sincere gratitude warmed her huge brown eyes, “I know this isn’t the most desirable place to have an interview.”

“It’s no problem! It’s actually beautiful, with the snow…and all.”

True. The Bronx Zoo was quite beautiful, every inch painted by nature with a thick coating of the white stuff—the proverbial winter wonderland, an ice kingdom.

“Well,” blinking as delicate snowflakes dropped onto her head, “where would you like to start?”

“When did you first meet him?”

A far away dreaminess suddenly softened her eyes as she looked away, her mind obviously lighting on a wonderful memory, “I remember it like it was yesterday!”

“Tell me.”

“Oh, my dear…,” pausing with a deep sigh, “when he came strutting into that room, you could have heard a pin drop! All eyes were on him!”

“So it is true. He was handsome!”

“Handsome! Handsome? What an insignificant word to describe him! Beautiful! The most gorgeous creature any of us had ever laid eyes on!”

“What did he look like? Can you describe him?”

“Describe him…,” again the brown eyes wandered far away, a delightful glint in them, “oh, well. Let me see. Darker than the other fellows. Of course, being Italian and all. Deep, mysterious eyes. Lips that were invented for smooching! And, my dear. Dare I say it?”

“Yes! Please!” My writing stopped, my pen poised above the tablet with anticipation.

“Well. He had the narrowest hips and the nicest tail I’d ever seen! Oh, my dear, when he ambled into that room, that handsome head held high, those exotic eyes searching the room—my, my! I remember it to this day! Still makes me shiver!”

“Well, how did you meet him? I mean, if he was drawing so much attention. I would imagine all the girls were setting their sights on him.”

“Of course they were!”

“What did you do to get his attention?”

“It took a few days before he noticed me. He was quite surrounded by girls on a regular basis.” Pausing, her eyes narrowed with a delicious thought, “One night, at one of the holiday dances, he approached me to dance.”

“Oh!”

“Well, of course by then the word had already spread through town what a marvelous dancer he was. And the gossip was true! Like a professional, smooth on his feet. Romantic! Attentive! Why, he put the rest to shame! They couldn’t hold a candle to him! He simply swept us girls off our feet!”

“Is that when the trouble started? Did the other fellows get jealous?”

“Well, that certainly didn’t help! But, to tell you the truth, he was a trouble maker from the beginning.”

“How is that?”

“The other fellows went to the nightly games, expecting all the gals to show up like we always did.”

“But?”

“But he had other plans!”

“Such as?”

“He taught tango lessons while the games went on in the town hall.”

“Tango lessons?”

“Yes! Oh, and what a teacher! The line was long with girls waiting for lessons! They simply forgot about the other fellows and stopped going to the town hall altogether. They wanted to go to his bungalow to take lessons from him.”

“So that was how he got his bad reputation?”

“That wasn’t all. It was his secret!”

“The secret that ended up making him so famous.”

“Yes.”

“Who was the first to discover it?”

“I was.”

Literally shaking with excitement, I begged, “Tell me about it!”

“Well, it was my turn to take tango lessons. Oh, what a romantic experience! Those muscles, those dreamy eyes, those luscious lips! I told him I really shouldn’t be there, that I should leave. He pulled me closer, murmuring that I didn’t need to go to those ridiculous games. He could show me much more excitement.”

“Oh!”

“Well….,” a rosy blush crept to her cheeks, her eyes closing with embarrassment, “then he kissed me.”

“Ah!”

“And that’s when I saw it!”

“Oh, my god!” Was it…?”

“As much as you’ve heard.”

“Oh, my goodness!”

“My eyes must have been huge with surprise! I’d never seen anything like it in my life! And never have since!”

“Why did he let you….see it?”

“He couldn’t help it. It would appear when he got excited and he couldn’t control it. He was mortified and begged me to keep it a secret.”

“And when he kissed you…?”

“That excited him. And there it was.”

“So how did it come to be, then, that everyone else found out about it? That your boss discovered it, too?”

“That, dear, was why I wanted to tell you the story. For you to tell the truth to the world.”

“Tell me, then.”

“The ridiculous story that everyone knows is simply not true. It wasn’t at all how it happened.”

My excitement had risen to unspeakable levels by now. The familiar story that had been accepted for years and years was about to come crashing to smithereens. The truth was going to be revealed.

And now I must share the true account with you, as it was told to me by Nancy. So pay attention. Are you sitting down?

You recall that famous Christmas Eve so very long ago? The Christmas Eve when Santa Clause was fog bound and his yearly toy delivery was nearly cancelled? And do you remember how you’ve been told that the trip was saved by a reindeer with a shiny red nose?

You do?

Well, what you don’t know is how Santa Clause came to discover that red nose. It wasn’t at all like you’ve been told. Oh, no.

Oh, most of the story is true, mind you. But the part that has never been told is this.

Burying his face in his hands, Santa slumped onto his gigantic velvet chair. He wouldn’t let himself cry in front of the elves or the reindeer. Never. But crying was just what he wanted to do.

Never had he seen a fog the likes of the one on this Christmas Eve. The trip was impossible. Not even an experienced team of reindeer as his could pull off such a feat. It was unthinkable.

“Santa?”

Looking up as Nancy approached him, a brave smile touched his lips, “Yes, Nancy?” He wanted to be left alone, but smiled anyway.

“Santa, I think I have an idea that will save your trip.”

“Oh, thank you, Nancy, dear, but there is simply no way. This fog is monstrous. I can’t risk my team.”

“But I think it can be done. In fact, I’m sure of it.”

“Yes?” His eyes were patient.

Nancy leaned over, whispering in his ear and his eyes widened like giant lollipops as he listened. He beamed, “This I’ve got to see!”

Well, friends, this is what happened. Oh, yes, Rudolph, the famous red nosed reindeer did indeed have a bright red light for a nose, and it was indeed the very thing that saved that historic Christmas Eve.

But the fact that historians have not told you, for obvious reasons, is that his nose would only shine this brightly when he was romantic and when he would smooch with the girls. Then, oh then, it shone so bright it would put a lighthouse to shame.

And the true reason all the other reindeer laughed and called him names? Because they were jealous, plain and simple! Oh, the girls called him names allright—Rudolph, the Valentino of reindeer! This of course drove the other fellow reindeer wild with envy!

So. Imagine their embarrassment when, instead of Dasher and Prancer and the rest of the standard team, Santa had to yell out:

“On Nancy, on Suzie, now Donna and Mitzi….!”

Because? Yes. This was the only way to keep Rudolph’s nose so bright all night. To be surrounded by the ladies, to keep his romantic nose glowing.

And this, my friends, is the true story as told to me by Mrs. Rudolph. So the next time you see that sleigh with the eight tiny reindeer—think about what you’ve just heard.

Merry Christmas!

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