UNWRITER Ron Berry

March 21, 2009

Mr. Coffee’s revenge

Filed under: humor — unwriter1 @ 7:25 pm

HISSSPFFT

“What the …”

That’s just excess steam because the machines still hot George.”

“Martha, it’s been off since last night.”

Some coffeepots hold their anger in. This is one of them. It hadn’t always been this way. All things coffee took a dramatic turn for the worse when a few weeks of smaller than normal paychecks forced George to start buying instant coffee. To make matters really bad, it wasn’t even real coffee! Martha picked up a jar of chicory stuff. The coffee cups threw a fit.

Mr. Coffee just sat there, lonely, dejected, unused. He watched as one by one the coffee cups gave in. He was getting angrier by the cupful. He put his little computer brain to work (George had purchased a programmable machine).

He thought and plotted for a long time. Bear in mind that a long time for a coffeepot is five pots full. It was getting really bad. The last of the cups bit the bullet.

“Oh dear, whatever shall I do?”

Mr. Coffee came up with some more equations. He crunched some numbers.

“Now I’m out of memory. They didn’t give me enough. Now I have to start over.”

He disconnected and rewired some switches. It worked. His solution was obvious. Instead of pouring water over the grounds, he sucked them into the water.

“What the heck? I made this pot almost an hour ago.”

George tried turning it on but the button didn’t work. The clock was on and running fine. None of the other buttons worked either. Then he lifted the lid, saw the empty filter and coffee grounds floating in the hot water.

“Martha!”

“What George?”

“This coffeepot is broken.”

“Oh good heavens George. You just don’t understand this new technology. Remember it took three days, several calls to the support number and me, to figure out how to connect the VCR to the television. Let me try to make a pot.”

Mr. Coffee knew he better fix the switches fast or it was garbage heap time. This time when Martha sweet talked the machine, cleaned it up and restarted it, it worked fine.

“See George, you just have to talk nice to it.”

Poor George let Martha make the coffee from that point on.

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9 Comments »

  1. I always knew the evil machines were plotting…….especially the Mr Coffees..great writing, Ron.

    PS.now I have a Bunn and I love it.

    Comment by Faye — March 21, 2009 @ 7:40 pm | Reply

  2. Really, Ron, you must get the technology under control. We’ve been hosting viable scutter-butt over on the George site, and wondering if the coyotes were taking over the world. Perhaps we should put the two together and add robotic coyotes to the list?

    http://orisgeorge.com — always the trouble maker. and NOW you!

    Jan

    Comment by Jan Verhoeff — March 21, 2009 @ 8:02 pm | Reply

  3. Was it the coffee machine plotting or George? So she’s making the coffee from now on. Hmmm.

    Morgan Mandel
    http://morganmandel.blogspot.com

    Comment by Morgan Mandel — March 21, 2009 @ 8:29 pm | Reply

  4. Ron Twain strikes again more menacing inanimate creatures! Well done! Adorable story!

    Comment by Carol — March 21, 2009 @ 8:57 pm | Reply

  5. This is so cute. I will never have to worry about my coffee maker doing that as I very rarely drink instant. Good job Ron. I have often wondered about these little electrical things, especially the ones you shut off, but they are still running, silently . . .plotting . . .

    Comment by Terre — March 21, 2009 @ 11:51 pm | Reply

  6. This is so cute. I will never have to worry about my coffee maker doing that as I very rarely drink instant. Good job Ron. I have often wondered about these little electrical things, especially the ones you shut off, but they are still running, silently . . .plotting . . .
    Should write excellent post! Looking forward to reading your next one!

    Comment by Terre — March 22, 2009 @ 12:19 pm | Reply

  7. Another charming animation – enjoyed it 🙂

    Comment by Marvin D Wilson — March 22, 2009 @ 12:37 pm | Reply

  8. This was a delightful story. But you know we all suspect that our appliances never really go off when we go to bed. They all get together to plot. Don’t you feel like that when the fridge, toaster and the microwave go on the fritz at the same time!

    Comment by cruizen4u (Cindy) — March 22, 2009 @ 4:03 pm | Reply

  9. Thanks for the giggle, Ron!!! Loved it

    Comment by Lynn McMonigal — March 23, 2009 @ 6:58 am | Reply


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