UNWRITER Ron Berry

April 6, 2009

Let’s Meet George

Filed under: Uncategorized — unwriter1 @ 6:08 am

“Hey George, what did you put into this stuff? I only did one spray in the lab and all the lights went out. Thankfully I had an extra large can of air cleaner but it still took a half hour for the lights to come back on.””I’m sorry Larry. Ever since that pay cut and that doctor’s report, Martha’s had me on decaf. To make it worse, she bought some of that cheap instant stuff.”

“I know it’s been rough but the economy has to turn around eventually. Just hang in there.”

George was a chemist at the NoStinkUm chemical plant. He was in charge of designing household air fresheners. The mixes that would spray and not melt the glass beakers were sent to Larry in the test lab. Times were hard and the competition was tough. NoStinkUm chemicals was a small company just trying to carve out its own niche.

“Hello Larry? Yes, I think I may have stumbled onto something.”

“It’s not going to explode or warp the floors or anything?”

“I can’t really guarantee the floors, but I know it won’t explode.”

After the firemen left and the smoke cleared, both men looked into the lab. Larry realized he should not have left that open two-liter bottle of soda. A few calculations later they reached the conclusion. This new spray multiplied the carbonization level by a factor of 1 * 1014. What a mess! It was back to the drawing board.

“George, you have to get off that cheap instant decaf.”

Larry started a company-wide donation to get George some real coffee. His mixes were just too dangerous! Meanwhile, back in George’s lab, it was business as usual. He tried a couple more compounds but he had to stop. That last one was a doozy. As soon as he added that last chemical, all the flasks and test tubes in the room warped into totally unusable shapes. He had to stop working until the new supply arrived that afternoon from the warehouse.

George used this time to go to the local bookstore. He vowed, later, to never admit what he read. I can’t say as I blame him because his next mix proved just how bad cheap decaf was for him. Oh it didn’t harm the lab. In fact Larry suggested doing an in-home test. The problem first surfaced in his car because it smelled of stale cigars. No, George didn’t smoke but his neighbor’s German Shepard did. It was a habit he picked up working for the K-9 police unit. His neighbors wife would not let Shep in their car so George transported him to the vet a few times.

As soon as George got home, he tried a short spray in the kitchen. The effect that spray had on the tea bags, coffee cups and dishes, has to be read to see why NoStinkUm chemicals put George on a strict Strong French Roast sabbatical.

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3 Comments »

  1. Ha! Loved this. And the “NuStinkUm Chemical plant?” Me NoThinkUm possible 🙂

    Comment by Marvin D Wilson — April 6, 2009 @ 7:46 am | Reply

  2. A good one!

    Comment by Joyce A. Anthony — April 6, 2009 @ 9:52 am | Reply

  3. This was TOOOOO cute and funny!!!! What a brilliant mind! “Nustinkum Chemical Plant.” Genius.

    Comment by Carol — April 13, 2009 @ 5:13 am | Reply


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