UNWRITER Ron Berry

May 10, 2009

Juan Valdez’s Nightmare

Filed under: humor — unwriter1 @ 6:16 am
Tags: , , ,

“Captain Black, we’re being hailed.”

“It’s ok ensign, we have insurance.”

“No, I mean General Westinghouse wants to speak to us.”

“Why didn’t you say so?”

“I did, I said we were being hailed.”

“This isn’t Star trek, you’ve been watching too many Earth movies.”

This was the maiden voyage of the Brewster, but an important one. The planet Liptonea was simmering again. General Westinghouse from the planet Arabica wanted to distill them before those loony teabags started whistling Dixie.

“Ensign Cream, please connect me to General Westinghouse.”

“Yes sir. Connection established.”

“Captain Black, we’ve received word that Commander Earl Grey is stirring up trouble again. You’ve been ordered to go check it out.”

“I knew those smelly plants would eventually clog their thinking.”

“Excuse me?”

“You know, catnip, peppermint and the like.”

“Those aren’t plants, they are the inhabitants. Now you, Decker and the rest, fire up your saucers and head full brew over there!”

“Yes sir.”

Black and Decker spun full speed to Liptonea. They encountered only minor resistance from the tea ball sentinels. Two shots of stale grounds put them out of business.

“Sir, the pot is boiling over!”

“Smith, Wesson, revolve around that pot and lay down fire of hard water.”

That’s all it took to put the fight on ice. Hard water destroys tea pots faster than anything else. The white steam indicated surrender. The new Arabican Flying Saucers proved themselves. Returning home, each crew received a hearty welcome and were awarded the prize cup of gratitude.

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8 Comments »

  1. Fun episode! And I’d like a cup myself. 🙂

    Comment by Marvin D Wilson — May 10, 2009 @ 7:38 am | Reply

  2. Ya know, Ron. Something told me you lived on a planet far, far away – This just confirms it!!!

    Comment by Anita Davison — May 10, 2009 @ 7:39 am | Reply

  3. I love this!!! Such a delight, and creative. You have inspired me to keep writing myself! Thank you 😉

    Comment by Melanie Campos — May 10, 2009 @ 8:28 am | Reply

  4. Now that was funny! I loved the way you played out the words referring to caffineism and mixing it with Sci-Fi. Very clever

    Comment by Connie Clark — May 10, 2009 @ 8:56 am | Reply

  5. Wonderful play on words, Ron. Great job and a super fun story to read.

    Comment by Terre — May 10, 2009 @ 9:04 am | Reply

  6. The attack of the tea balls!!! Ensign Creamer! Could it GET any cuter? Once again, a magical world of the oh-so-taken-for-granted world of inanimate objects! Full brew ahead, Capt. Ron Twain!

    Comment by Carol — May 10, 2009 @ 11:59 am | Reply

  7. Love it!

    Comment by Anna — May 10, 2009 @ 2:57 pm | Reply

  8. This is delightful..I have always loved you sense of humor…..

    Comment by Faye — May 10, 2009 @ 7:35 pm | Reply


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