November 14, 2009


Filed under: humor — unwriter1 @ 12:10 pm
Tags: , ,

“Oh woe is me. I do hope that is the right expression. It’s what I hear the human say when things are bad. Then she hits the counter, loudly. I can’t repeat what he says.”

“Who are you talking to Anchovy?”

“No one in particular. I’ve been on this shelf so long that the bugs call me the old man of the sea. Tomato soups, like you, come and go quickly.”

And so it went. Every time cans left the shelf and were replaced, Anchy complained. Even the fighting coffee cups were getting annoyed.

“Martha, we need to exterminate again. There’s dead bugs by this can of … What are we doing with Anchovies?”

“Remember John, we got those for your Aunt Fergie? The RICH Aunt Fergie. You said those were her favorite snack.”

“Ah, ok. Feisty old bird she is. You can never tell when she’ll show up. She enjoyed herself here the last time. According to the lid, they have a shelf life of twenty years. Of course it does. Anything that tastes and smells that bad has to last forever. We better hold on to these.”

They didn’t have much of a bug problem. The fact is, what few bugs showed up were bored to death by Anchy.

Time went on. Can and boxes came and went. Poor Anchy was always left behind. An emergency secret meet of the cans, boxes, condiments, spices, cups, and saucers was called. To keep Anchy in the dark, they used the in-house inanimate object intranet, otherwise known as IOI. No names or ID’s were used.

“Everyone, may I have your attention please? We have to do something about Anchy. He’s driving all of us nuts, except Mr. Peanut and he’s ready to butter him up.”

“Let’s push him off the shelf. The dog will take care of him.”

“No, that’s too cruel, even for the dog.”

I can pour myself all over him. No one can talk if covered in Caramel.”

“No, that attracts insects and we all remember F-Day. Fumigation is not something we want.”

“Let’s make him happy. Then he’ll shut up for awhile.”

“All in favor?”

Everyone agreed. It was arranged to gently push Anchy onto the counter. As soon as he landed, the bottle of confetti sprinkles spilled all over him.

“SURPRISE! Happy Birthday.”

The humans were a bit confused when they came home and saw the mess. But, strange things always happen in this house. They cleaned up the mess and put Anchy back where he was.

Anchy was so happy, he never complained again.



  1. Nicely done dialog exchange. Grammatically you can get away with little bits of incorrectness here and there – it in fact helps with realism, as few people (or in this case “things,” lol, really talk with correct grammar. Unless you are having a conversation between English professors and/or students. The narrative passages in books of course need to stick to correct grammar, unless you are of world renown and have “artistic license” to break rules and call it your “style.” (wink)

    Comment by Marvin D Wilson — November 14, 2009 @ 12:21 pm | Reply

  2. Great post. I enjoyed the humor. I think I have a few old cans that need to be tossed. I just read that yeast in outdated cake mixes and the such can make you seriously ill. I’m sure Anchy needs to go. *lol*

    Comment by Ginger — November 14, 2009 @ 12:25 pm | Reply

  3. I loved it Ron….so much imagination….

    Comment by Bo Drury — November 14, 2009 @ 12:42 pm | Reply

  4. Cute 🙂

    Comment by Joyce — November 14, 2009 @ 5:10 pm | Reply

  5. Thank you,
    very interesting article

    Comment by ostrov — December 3, 2009 @ 3:06 am | Reply

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