Read carefully, it’s Christmas buying season

Christmas Gifts

It’s time to find that perfect gift. I have a suggestion that allows you the chance to enjoy what you buy before you wrap it up for that special someone. Below are two of my book descriptions and their respective Amazon links. This will be the kindle link but you can also find both books in a print version.

Math for the Family is a reference book that is also fun to read. I cover everything from before zero and numbers up  through Boolean logic. There are no problems to work yet there are examples.  Even though you may know how to add, can you also add fractions and decimals? The same goes for all the other basic functions. This book is a great reference for every member of the family. There are 12 appendices from the multiplication table (through the 12’s), to the ascii table and Greek alphabet. Check it out:

Math for the Family | http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0047GMF92

Having a rough day? Nothing like a good laugh to take the edge off.  I know, everybody is too busy to sit and read a book at one sitting. Laughs from Corn Country is an anthology of short, silly stories. Do your coffee cups rebel when you put tea instead of coffee in them? Do your teabags try to escape? Why go to the store to buy spaghetti when you can grow your own, along with tacos and a few other things? You’ll learn how in the spaghetti farm series. Next time you invite a tuna for coffee you may want to consult Czaretta, the coffee loving tuna.

Halloween is almost here, just in time for Nightmare after Breakfast and its follow-up. You can also read about Clyde the Frustrated Vampire. All these and more can be found in Laughs from Corn Country.
Laughs from Corn Country | http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0047GMF6A

Buy both, buy several because they make great gifts and a great addition to any home library. Thank you in advance, Ron Berry.

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solitude – and a question

Before I post this, I would like to ask if anyone thinks this series (26 so far), would be suitable as a children’s book.

Solitude

Solitude, that’s all little Amanda wanted. Momma said Christmas was nothing more than a dream. There wasn’t time to worry about such nonsense because everybody had to forage for food. Amanda knew that she was just another wasted life and it would be better for everyone if she just walked away.

While everyone was out scrounging, she packed a little sack with what bits and pieces of food there was lying around. Kitties don’t need a lot of ‘things’, but they do need to eat. With all the rain lately there were several puddles so getting a drink wasn’t a problem.

Amanda was the oldest of the litter. Mom always did her best to ensure her brood had the basics, but life on the street is treacherous at best. Amanda overheard momma many times complaining about the hardscrabble life they had to lead. So to ease the family burden, Amanda did what she thought was best. She left. She did leave a note though, so her brothers and sisters wouldn’t get worried and start searching for her.

“I’m sorry I am such a problem. I know there isn’t much food. I am going to go away. That will mean one less mouth to feed. Again, I’m sorry I’m such a burden.”

She signed it, then headed down the street. She really didn’t know which way to go, she just went. Amanda knew that her brothers and sisters would sleep for quite a while yet and momma was out looking for food. That would give her a good head start. She had been down this road before and knew of a couple of good places to seek shelter. She had thought about leaving for quite a while because she was feeling more and more depressed everyday. So when she came this way with momma, she didn’t say anything about these hiding places.

Momma kitty (she was momma kitty to all the critters in her neighborhood), was gone for a long time. The pickings were slim these days. But Sammy got up and went looking for his oldest sister. He hoped she had found something for everyone to eat. Normally she and momma would both go out looking and Amanda always came back fast to let everyone know what kind of day it was turning out to be. Each kitty, Amanda and Momma Kitty, had their designated areas to search. But when Sammy walked over to the corner where Amanda always slept, all he found was her note. Immediately he woke everyone else up.

“Amanda is gone!!!”

“She’s probably with momma. It has been hard to find food lately.”

“No, she left a note. She is gone!!!”

Everybody realized that their big sister really was gone.

“What if Momma doesn’t come home? What are we supposed to do?”

Talking all together at the same time created such a racket that Momma dropped what she was doing and headed back. She told the kids that it would be ok. Amanda would find out what the world really was, and return.

She didn’t believe a word she was saying, but she had to calm the kids down. Times were hard and now it would be even harder. It took both momma and Amanda to scrounge up enough to feed everyone. She excused herself and slipped into a corner where she could be alone. She cried. Will her oldest really be safe? Would it really work to go looking for her? All she could do is pray that she would either be safe, or would return.

Amanda was a long ways from home. Her food was gone and she didn’t see any prospects of finding any. She was also getting scared. This was territory she had not been in before. She was getting scared and the tears in her eyes didn’t help. But she kept going. She went around the corner and as luck would have it, this was a block of shops with many restaurants! It was a calm day with no wind so not even Amanda’s keen sense of smell would have detected this bonanza.

She headed towards the alley. Hopefully she could at least stock up on food. As she walked down the alley, one of the kitties that lived there approached her. Normally this would have resulted in a fight, but Amanda looked exhausted. Alex felt sorry for her and showed her the safest place to go. Amanda thanked him and told him she would just stock up then be on her way. Alex was a little disappointed but said ok.

Alex was unaware that Amanda saw the look. She did. Giving a bit of a wink (and this is not at all easy for kitties!), she started to walk away. As Alex slowly began slinking away, Amanda sidled up next to him.

“Alex, I’m heading out to make my way in the big wide world. Care to join me?”

As we leave Amanda and Alex, we can faintly see the sunset. It’s just beyond dumpster alley.

Humor newsletter

This is a quick post.

I am starting a monthly newsletter (subscription).  For a sample and information on getting in on the ground floor, contact me at: unwriter@yahoo.com.

This is a newsletter of fun only. It will be a monthly collection of four to five of my offbeat stories. In coming issues there will be the story of the walking cell phone, breakfast farm, talking coffee cups, etc. Stay tuned to the newsletter, you never know what will be animated next.

Special Announcement – Roman Retreat

For Immediate Release

UCLA Writers’ Program Instructors Plan Roman Retreat

World Wide Web— Two UCLA Writers’ Program instructors, Carolyn Howard-Johnson and Eve LaSalle Caram are planning an intimate writers’ retreat in Rome for October, 2010.

Caram was Howard-Johnson’s first instructor in novel writing more than a decade ago. Later the student joined her teacher as a fellow instructor for UCLA’s renowned Writers’ Program and she has now been teaching for nearly there nearly a decade.

The excitement grows. The two have rented a town home near the Trevi fountain in Rome and are inviting writers to join them for a casual week of writing and promotion seminars and tons of Eternal City inspiration. Rome resident Jo Linsdell, a writer and founder of PROMODay, the free online conference for writers, will join them to present on the ever-important marketing aspects of the publishing industry. oks for writers (www.howtodoitfrugally.com). The pair will tailor seminars to the needs of those who participate.

If participants are interested, Howard-Johnson will lead a tour of nearby Etruscan sites.

Learn more about the retreat at http://www.budurl.com/RomanRetreat. complete with pictures of the town home including its rooftop garden.

Early registration is recommended. Accommodations are very limited. Reach Howard-Johnson for payment details at HoJoNews@aol.com.

# # #

Graphics, interviews and further information available upon request.  

Carolyn Howard-Johnson

Website: http://www.HowToDoItFrugally.com

E-mail: HoJoNews@aol.com

Give Thanks Week Day 5. This is a double post day.

Today is day five of what may be more than a week of giving special thanks. Join me and thank your friends for being there for you also.

Strangers are friends we’ve yet to meet
Some are grouchy while others are sweet
But even the surly ones a friend they can be
Because without my coffee describes the worst of me

It doesn’t matter where you live
Love from your heart you can give
Through the mail, or over the net
New friends you will have met

I look back on my life with pride
The things I did and the things I tried
Strangers far away that I soon knew
Soon became from me to you

A person from some faraway place
Their friendship now doth grace
My heart goes out across the great lands
My circle of friends forever expands

Ok, so it ain’t the greatest of poems but after all that turkey, my writing is really fowl. This may be a bit longer than normal because I have so many friends to be grateful to have met. I hope I don’t miss anyone yet I know for sure that I will. If I don’t have you in this list, please forgive me because too much cranberry sauce limits my memory storage.

As before, these are not in any particular order. That isn’t quite true, there are two in this first part of the list because they have been offered a most enjoyable task.

Katrina Wampler I met online and found her to be fascinating! I’ll learn more since she is being tagged for a Christmas story. With her sense of humor, this will be worth waiting for.

Joyce Anthony, a wonderful person but I’d like to see a three-piece story here. Let’s see if Shane and Aaron will contribute a few words (or pages).

Carol Percer is great to talk to, but I would like her to take us back to the hard scrabble (thanks Joyce for that word), days of mob controlled New York. How will Salvatore spend the holidays?

I started an online group for writers. I then met Becky (Yeah, I know it’s Rebekah but I can’t spell that). She has her own group. So, like a good online sister, we made our groups into a family. Then Pastor Mazzulla III added his cousin group.

From the far east, ok, the far eastern shore of Pennsylvania, comes Dani Calhoun. We’ve bounced around on Messenger for quite a bit. She’s had her male friend problems and I can’t say I haven’t had a few of my share of problems (you thought I was going to say female problems, didn’t ya?)

I’ve got Star Trek beat. I’m already in Texas saying hi to Bo Drury. She’s sent me a lot of special emails all of which are greatly appreciated.

I’ve invited a S. Dakota friend to move south. It may only be a few mile south and a few east, but it would be into a circle of friends waiting. Hi Terre, you’re one special young lady.

I can’t forget jay in the Carolina’s. He has one jumping group. We should expect the next great novel to come from this collection of writers.

It was in his group that I met Cathy Brownfield. What an amazing gal. Writing and college and housework is mind-boggling. I get bogged down just doing dishes.

Here is a list of friends I found just by doing book tours. Jean Henry Mead, You’ll have a ball on the 8th of December. Karina Fabian, join us at the Catholic writers conference. Lea Schizas invited me to the museitup conference. I didn’t think I could do it but she did. I did dun did it. Mayra Calvani wrote the bible for writing book reviews. I learned a lot reading that.

I can’t forget Trockle and his partner, Holly Jahangiri (Thank goodness for twitter, helps me with spelling), and also Vivian Zabel. Then of course there is Truth in Intimacy with Lacresha Hayes and her husband Lensey.

From those two paragraphs above I could write a book. I also realized my list of friends will have to be extended into another day! Now that alone is something to be very thankful for. So the bottom line of this post is simply:

Thank you all, for being my friends.

Thanksgiving double post

Today is double post day. The first is my thanksgiving story, the second is Give Thanks Week, day 4

A turkey story
“Hey Tom, somebody’s looking for ya.”

“Ya, I know, now get outta here while I’m getting dressed.”

“Ha Ha, that’s what you’re wanted for, someone wants to see you dressed.”

“Yeah, I know, that’s why I’m getting dressed.”

“You look like a real dork in that pig suit.”

“I’d rather swim in mud than gravy.”

So it was, Old Tom, dressed as a nice, fat, pig, joined the smaller piglets. He was too small to fit with the old bores, er, boars but looked like a large piglet. It was November and time for all the relatives to bore, I mean, keep each other company over a nice juicy turkey. He knew he would be safe this year. He watched Grandpa go heads over tail feathers the previous year. Tom had no plans to lose his mind worrying about it. He had other plans.

“Hey Martha, how many of those dadblamed relatives are coming this year?”

“Well, let’s see, cousin Tilly has four kids and three of the grands. Aunt George is bringing her bunch, around seven. Your brother and his brood were planning on mooching, I mean, stopping by. Ma is coming by and bringing her latest catch and that crowd. Guess we’re up to about thirty.”

“Ok, I’ll git the punkins in fer ya.”

Max had to get the pumpkins because to make that many pies took a bit of doing. He had already brought in a bushel of apples. He had conned, er, talked his brother and his wife into the sweet ‘taters. Everyone else was bringing something. But now came the real problem. There weren’t enough birds to feed all the turkeys coming this year. He thought about a nice roast, but it just didn’t fit the holiday. Well, since they were hosting the festivities, they might as well ham it up as best they could. He knew those hogs, er, relatives, could really pig out. Wow! An idea.

He knew what supper would be, do you?

Give Thanks Week Day 3

There are people we’ve never met
Yet we know them well, from the net
We talk to them in words and phrases
We offer criticism and our praisesHow many of them do we really know
It is just in their words do they show
Who they are and what they do
Are their words really true

You know them better than some you can see
Because they have themselves openly to thee
You can tell who is good from one that is not
From the words they use, you can learn a lot

You want to trust them, to tell them you care
But how do you open up, do you dare
Take it step by step; you’ll know you’re right
As your friendship takes its glorious flight

It’s the latest in pen pal technology. Instead of sending letters and waiting days, weeks, and sometimes months for an answer, we hear back almost instantly. We have email and messenger. Our friends are next door, in another city, another state or even another country! We know them better than we do our own family sometimes. Tonight is a bit different because I am going to honor some individuals separately. The folks I’m listing are a short list of the people I know on the net and why they are special. I’m starting with Joyce for one simple reason. I have the most to thank her for, including introducing me to the two that are after her. This is not a prioritized list, nor is in all-inclusive. But I wanted to issue my thanks for all these kind folks have done and been for me.

Joyce is the kindest young lady I have ever met. She told me early on she believed in me. It has been my driving force. Rose, the wife also believes in me but when someone you’ve never met says it, it seems to carry more weight. I have since met Joyce and my opinion of her is as high or higher than before. She has taught me people skills (still is). From her I learned the value of faith, and from her son Shane, what true spirituality is. She did not teach me how to write, but she taught me to believe in myself and in my ability to write. I saw in her, someone I could trust completely. She can be brutal in her honesty but yet kind at the same time. I learned true compassion for the misfortune of others, especially animals. Joyce is what a true friend really is. Through her, I met Marvin Wilson and Janet Elaine Smith.

Marvin Wilson, Paize to many, is a prolific spiritual writer. His blog is an inspiration to many. I can’t list his accomplishments because I only have 160 gig hard drive. I have a lot of respect and admiration for Marv. He has come from the depths of hell on the wings of angels. In his ascent from the dregs of society he brought lessons for all of us. He does so with stark reality and a lot of humor.

Speaking of humor, the moose didn’t do it. This is a running joke between Janet Elaine Smith and myself. Her murder mystery books have more humor than Saturday night live, yet there is a dark mystery in each of them. How she can write so much is beyond me. She is among my inner circle of friends.

Carol Percer is also in that inner circle. We chat almost daily. All too often I see me in what she says and I know the errors I’ve made. I learn the hard way. But, as with my other friends, we learn, get past hurts and go on. I’m just a stubborn old coot sometimes. But, I also look forward to her IM’s every day. We have a lot in common, especially in music.

Angie Hartson is also on this inner circle. We just happen to be very close but then after 40 years, what else could we be? She is also one of the very few family members that I claim. We know each other like a book. Yes, Angie is very special.

Tomorrow I will cover a few more, but for all that I list, and the ones I missed, I am thankful and proud to say I know you. I give thanks every day for this, my closest list of friends. Covered more tomorrow will be: Becky, Katrina, Terre, and others, come on back.

Give Thanks Week, Day 2

It is from you, from your heart
Forgive the past, today you start
No more hate, give your sins to God
Coming from above, his love will nod

You are not alone, look around you
In your life how many friends are true
Remember them, starting today
For each, should you pray

The rest of your life starts right now
For all your friends, this should be your vow
Forgive them their errors, remember their love
Offer them a pray of peace, sent with the white dove

Friends are precious and hard to find
True friends have the ties that bind
Treat those around you with care
Be nice and treat everyone fair

That stranger you just saw over yonder
Tomorrow you may meet them then wonder
Was he a stranger or a friend you have yet to meet
Everyone is a stranger, until you say hi, and don’t retreat

Yesterday we offered our thanks to the ultimate part of our lives, our superior being, whether it’s God or a deity by some other name. Let us now bring it back to the earthly plane and offer our thanks to those around us that mean the most. Today we offer our thanks to those we call our friends. They may or may not be relatives, although tomorrow’s post will cover them.

For those of us that believe in prayer, let us now offer them for our friends for health, happiness, love and peace. Let us now thank them for being part of our lives. For those that do not believe in prayer, you also have friends and please, offer them the same thanks and add the desire we put in our prayers.

The old expression is, “No man is an island” isn’t quite true. There are too many homeless, too many forgotten veterans that are alone. Turn one from a stranger to a friend. Your life will be enriched as well as theirs. Smile and say hi to one who is alone. It costs nothing but the warmth that is shared is immeasurable.

We are all but guests on this wonderful ball of ground and water. We need to treat it as we would expect a guest in our home would. Having said that, we are all guests and should treat each other accordingly. I am a guest in and on your home as much as you are on mine and the rest of the inhabitants of this round globe. Let us treat each other with that kind of respect.

Gobble, er, Oink

It’s almost Cranberry sauce and pass that drumstick please day. Enjoy how one ole bird beat the odds.

 

A turkey story
“Hey Tom, somebody’s looking for ya.”

“Ya, I know, now get outta here while I’m getting dressed.”

“Ha Ha, that’s what you’re wanted for, someone wants to see you dressed.”

“Yeah, I know, that’s why I’m getting dressed.”

“You look like a real dork in that pig suit.”

“I’d rather swim in mud than gravy.”

So it was, Old Tom, dressed as a nice, fat, pig, joined the smaller piglets. He was too small to fit with the old bores, er, boars but looked like a large piglet. It was November and time for all the relatives to bore, I mean, keep each other company over a nice juicy turkey. He knew he would be safe this year. He watched Grandpa go heads over tail feathers the previous year. Tom had no plans to lose his mind worrying about it. He had other plans.

“Hey Martha, how many of those dadblamed relatives are coming this year?”

“Well, let’s see, cousin Tilly has four kids and three of the grands. Aunt George is bringing her bunch, around seven. Your brother and his brood were planning on mooching, I mean, stopping by. Ma is coming by and bringing her latest catch and that crowd. Guess we’re up to about thirty.”

“Ok, I’ll git the punkins in fer ya.”

Max had to get the pumpkins because to make that many pies took a bit of doing. He had already brought in a bushel of apples. He had conned, er, talked his brother and his wife into the sweet ‘taters. Everyone else was bringing something. But now came the real problem. There weren’t enough birds to feed all the turkeys coming this year. He thought about a nice roast, but it just didn’t fit the holiday. Well, since they were hosting the festivities, they might as well ham it up as best they could. He knew those hogs, er, relatives, could really pig out. Wow! An idea.

He knew what supper would be, do you?

A most unexpected compliment

The following was written by a very dear friend of mine and surprised me beyond what I thought possible. To pay due respect to this wonderful young lady, I left the email intact.

I’m not a poet, and never will be.

But I just had this little whim of a thing come to my mind about a dear friend. I don’t need to say his name—you’ll know him and he’ll know himself in this, too.

Here’s to you, my favorite humorist. Yes, my modern day Mark Twain.

–Carol

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***

“In His World” (A Poem, Sort Of)

In his world, kittens talk.

In his world, kittens go to church.

In his world, vampires thrive on catsup.

In his world, vampires aren’t named Dracula.

In his world, vampires are named Clyde .

In his world, candy corn is planted by wonderful little boys named Jared.

In his world, coffee cups fill themselves.

In his world, the same coffee cups rebel against cheap coffee.

In his world, any ol’ object can come alive, and

In his world, you’d better look out if you’re an inanimate object, because

In his world, you just might become the main character in a story.

In his world