UNWRITER Ron Berry

October 7, 2011

Maple Spaghetti

Filed under: humor — unwriter1 @ 7:24 pm
Tags: , , , , , , ,

 Lunchtime found Zeke sitting in the family restaurant. As he walked in he noticed Abe sitting in the corner booth and decided to join him.

 

“Marty, bring Zeke a cup o’ that there special mornin’ eye opener ya got brewing. I don’t know what she puts in this stuff but it t’ain’t normal coffee. Taste it afore ya’s put’s any o’ that white stuff in. Ah knows ya likes it sweet, but this early in the morn ya wants ta gets up and git ta goin’.”

 

What Marty never told anyone is that she had thrown the grounds from the coffee pot out back and it had taken hold and started to grow. I don’t know what am but in this neck o’ the woods weird things grow. (Ok, so it’s poor English. I’m the narrator and I grew up around these folks so I tends ta talks like ‘em at times., ok?!?! ‘nuff said)

 

Turns out that the growing season for this new breed of coffee was quite short, so she was able to pull two crops out in one season. After putting enough aside to make another crop in the spring, Marty took the rest of the beans and put them in her uncle’s corn dryer for a couple of weeks. She pulled out a handful and ground them up to see how they would taste. They weren’t dry enough so they made an extra strong pot. Actually it was strong and heavy because when she picked up the carafe to pour a cup, it broke. The stuff even melted part of the counter! She decided to let the stuff dry a bit longer.

 

The next time she tried it, about a month later, it came out like it should. One taste and she knew she had a winner! One sip and she was wired and ready to go. By the time she finished the first cup she had cleaned the entire kitchen! But she wasn’t ready to try it on the customers yet. Although the first reaction was good, it seemed like a wise idea to make sure there weren’t any negative side effects. By the end of the day she knew it was safe because the effects wore off gradually and didn’t cause her to crash and burn, which usually happened with the caffeine pills. She put it on the menu as the B & B Eye opener.

 

“Hey Marty, where’d ya ever find this stuff? It’s great!”

 

“Sorry Zeke, that’s my special mix and I ain’t ready ta give out my secrets.”

 

Although it was breakfast time, Zeke ordered spaghetti because he would be starting to harvest the pitcher plants when he got home. Abe, on the other hand, ordered pancakes. Tempting fate (and ignoring Abe’s warning), Zeke also ordered a second cup of that special coffee. Well, you can just imagine the effects of trying to eat when you’re so wired you can barely sit. Yep, you’re right, Zeke grabbed the maple syrup instead of the spaghetti sauce. You ain’t et til ya tried it!

 

Now ya gots ta remember, this is spaghetti and pancake growing country , so what happened next is just natural.

 

“Abe, try this!” (Abe was trying not to laugh at Zeke’s mistake, but it t’warn’t easy).

“Syrup on spaghetti? You’re crazier than the rest of the family!”

 

But, to pacify him, Abe took a bite.

 

“By golly, you may have something there. But how will you ever convince folks to try it? I mean, let’s face it, most normal people just don’t put syrup on spaghetti.”

 

“Let me get back home. I have an idea”

 

One thing the whole family knew was that before planting a full sized crop, they needed to get the formula right. But, weather was all too often a negative factor so each of the farms had a greenhouse and thus they could experiment year round. Zeke gathered up seeds from the spaghetti plants and the pitcher plants. The big question was, does one put both seeds in the same row, or what is the proper procedure? Maybe cross-pollinating was best. He planted two test beds, one for each method. It took the rest of the fall and part of winter but he had his answer. By spring planting, he was ready.

 

Since it was only a small yield Zeke decided to let Abe and Marty try it to see if they thought it was a viable crop. The smiles on their faces was all Zeke needed to see to know he did it right. He headed home to get the larger field ready. This time he had enough to let Marty put it on the menu.  In fact, she did more than that because her window now sported a big, new sign:

 

“New menu item for brunch. Try it once and you’ll never eat it any other way”

 

“Marty, you didn’t list what the new item was on your sign.”

 

“I know, I did that on purpose so folks would ask what it is and I can give them a free sample.”

 

After a week or so, she had customers lining up, wanting to sample this new sensation. Each plate served came with several pats of butter, but no sauce. It was all the hints needed and word of mouth had already spread as to that being the best way. Marty and Zeke were getting rave reviews for this new dish. Who would ever guessed just how popular Maple Spaghetti would be!!

October 5, 2011

September 26, 2011

Obedience, Obesity, and reality

Filed under: rants — unwriter1 @ 8:09 am
Tags: , , , , ,

Potatoes make children fat. Toys in McDonald’s happy meals cause child obesity. According to the FDA, potatoes make you fat. But then again, the sodium in bacon is bad for your cholesterol. Lettuce is bad because of the pesticide used to keep the bugs off. But you can’t wash it with tap water because there are bad things in that. According to FDA standards, 99% of what we eat is bad for you and the remaining 1% costs too much.

Let’s get real. Food does not cause obesity by itself. Granted it will make you fat, but moving around (it’s called exercise), works off what you ate. Why do children get fat from McDonald’s? Because they don’t play. Oh they play, but it’s video games. Their thumbs get a great workout. What happens when toys are taken out of happy meals? Do children eat nothing? Uh, it’s up to the parents where they eat and if it isn’t happy meals it is something else on the menu that is just as bad if not worse.

No, the problem is not what they eat or what we eat. The problem is that no one wants to move around. I’d tell a joke about a fat Irishman, but I don’t know any. I don’t think there are many since Irish potato farmers had to work hard to harvest their crops.

What about the rest of us? We get fat just like the kids, but without their energy level. McDonald’s addressed that by putting in play areas.  I for one hate sports, but a game of baseball or football for the kids works off whatever ‘fatstuff’ they ate.

I don’t know about everyone else but I think I am going to build a fire, using the FDA regulations as fuel. Then I am going to sit down with a book (remember those?), eat my French fries (well salted), and a few bacon cheeseburgers and wash it all down with tap water.

September 11, 2011

Tea leaves – prologue

Filed under: books — unwriter1 @ 7:54 pm
Tags: , , , ,

Below is the prologue to “It was in the Tea Leaves.” I would appreciate some feedback.

“Miss, the last words your mother spoke were, ‘It was in the tea leaves.’ Can you… “

She interrupted the paramedic.

 

 “The son of a bitch finally did it. He said he would kill her and he finally did!”

 

That was all she could say.

 

At that point she collapsed. The paramedics brought her around at last.

“Ma’am, your dad beat your mother; he didn’t poison her. At least there’s no evidence of it. We didn’t see any cups or tea leaves.”

 

 

It was in the tea leaves is our private code for trouble, and almost always it meant that Dad was taking out his rage against whatever—on Mom.”

Mike, Karen’s father, was arrested, and this time he was charged with murder. The laws of the day did not recognize spousal abuse. Karen had seen her mom used as a punching bag all too often, but never had it been as bad as this. The police knew their house well, as they had made many visits in the past, but they could never do anything about it. Once it escalated to the point of hospitalization, they had enough for a charge of assault. But Mike had gone the extra step and made this beating fatal.

 

Karen was a witness for the prosecution at her dad’s trial. Like almost everyone else, she was stunned at the verdict: second-degree murder. He hadn’t preplanned to kill her. Right! He just beat her beyond recognition! She went to the cemetery and leaned down on the fresh earth.

 

“Yes, I will be at every parole hearing. I’ll make sure that monster stays behind bars forever. “

September 10, 2011

Why do we love disaster?

Filed under: rants — unwriter1 @ 7:56 pm
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Why do people love chaos?

I have yet to understand why people love disaster. I don’t mean movies; I am referring to real events. If something good happens, it’s “Hurrah”, then it’s never mentioned again. But, if something bad happens, we relive it over and over again. 9/11 is a prime example.

It happened, we can’t change it. Get over it! That won’t happen. We will see the pictures and videos for the next twenty years. Excuse me but I don’t need to see it all the time, everywhere I look. It’s on television and the internet. Why it happened is obvious. No, it was not to ‘warn’ us. It was not to show we could be attacked. It was to pull us into another war.

Just to keep everyone angry at people of a different religion, we will keep seeing the images. We will continue to fear every stranger. Why? Why can’t we just promote peace and getting along? Every war has always been about religion. Yes it was about control and wanting to rule the world. But that was based on the warring parties disagreeing on what is the true belief. Only true Germans belong in this world, or Muslims don’t believe in the right things.

Come on people; let the other guy believe what they want. Quit squabbling over petty issues. Every belief, every religion, has its own dogma. No one is right, period. I thought this country was founded on diversity. It isn’t that way anymore. Now it’s re-live every disaster and rekindle the hatred. There is no valid reason for this.  

Sorry, but this is my point of view and at least I can still write about it. How hard is it for other governments to allow this same privilege?

 

September 3, 2011

Law but what order?

Law and not Order

It’s nice to have law and order but I’m afraid today we have too much law and very little order. Let’s look at a few examples. If you eat at McDonalds you’ll get fat, or at least your kids will. Why? Because they put toys in happy meals. They were sued for this. Excuse me but they put toys in cereal! I know, we just picked up spongebob. So the logic is that these toys make kids fat? No, it means that the toys make kids want happy meals. So what makes these kids fat? Television and video games are the real reason. No one plays outside anymore. Of these reasons, television is the worst.

Because:

It seems like every other commercial is for this or that drug. “Cough twice, sneeze three times then blow your nose means you have {insert fancy drug name}. Visit your family doctor for a prescription (everybody has a family doctor? Then why do we need public health plans?).” Why does the doctor give out the prescription? Because he or someone in his family owns the pharmacy and he gets a cut. The more prescriptions, the closer he is to owning his own private island, complete with jet. The parents see the disease, but all the kids see is another drug mom and/or dad is taking. Well, if drugs make them feel better, I’ll get my own. Gee, why do we have a drug problem?

The government buys $200.00 hammers and $500.00 toilet seats. The president buys new flatware/dishes for six thousand people. How many senators need a raise because they can’t afford to pay their domestic help or for their mansions themselves? Who pays for this stuff? We do, the American taxpayer (they don’t pay taxes either).

Ever feel like turning your kid over your knee because he or she did something wrong? Don’t do it else social services removes the kid and puts them in the system where they are more likely to join gangs or break laws, partially because of separation anxiety. Let’s face it, parents go to jail trying to teach their kids right and wrong. Kids get in trouble trying to make a few bucks selling lemonade or Kool-Aid in their front lawn. Same thing happens at yard/garage sales. You have to have a tax license! This is double taxation folks. We went to war because of it. But the government only sees it as a way to recoup their stupid and wasteful spending.

I don’t know about anyone else but I see a lot of laws that create a lot of disorder.

August 31, 2011

Who runs this da.. world?

Filed under: rants — unwriter1 @ 6:38 pm
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Who’s running this cockamamie world?

Hitler wanted to rule the world. It didn’t work. Napoleon wanted to be emperor of the world. It didn’t work. But now, the United States is the world police body.

“Syria, you’ve been bad, no more financial aid.”

“Iran, you really have been a naughty child. Your financial assets are tied up.”

“Afghanistan, you poor thing. You have a cancer. I’ll send over the surgeons.

“Libya, I know, you’re trying to be good. Here, let me help.”

Now, if only they would take care of their own people!

Social Security is one of the first areas to be cut when budgets need to be cut. Medicare and education come next. But, now they are whining they don’t get paid enough. Excuse me???

 

Get rid of those luxury homes and live like the real people of this country. Make legislation that makes CEO’s and other high paid but little working company heads take a reasonable salary. Maybe make congress live on a pension like a factory worker tries to do. If they would keep the pork out of congress maybe we the people could afford to buy it for supper.

 

Does anyone agree?

August 13, 2011

Square power lines

Square power lines

If power lines were square, it would be easier for birds to
stand on them. Granted they grip the round lines but as they age, wouldn’t
arthritis make it more difficult? Bayer has not yet made a pill for sore birds
feet yet.

From the engineering department comes the design for the
table that would fit this square power cable. It requires a round base, with
ridges, similar to the cap on an aspirin bottle. A toothpick sized pole would
then be centered on this base and the tabletop secured to it. This design
allows a bird to pick up and carry said table from location to location. Since
birds tend to eat worms and grubs that come from the ground, a round tabletop
is suggested so that they don’t have to worry about getting dirt in the corners.

A bird can then find a nice juicy earthworm, cut it in half
and add a pair of side bowls of lemon water. At this point then, a candle can
be placed on the peg in the center of the table and this allows for a
candlelight dinner for his mate.

June 8, 2011

Revew for The Dark Wizard

Filed under: reviews — unwriter1 @ 3:10 pm
Tags: , , , , , , ,

 

 

 

Title: Dark Wizard

Author: John B. Rosenman

Publisher: MuseItUp Publishing

Copyright: 2011

ISBN: 978-1-926931-76-0

Format: Paperback

Genre: SciFi

 

“Your name. Whatever it is, it ain’t Chester—****—Kan. It couldn’t be.” Thus we are at the crossroads of The Dark Wizard. Mr. Rosenman has weaved a curious tale and this is only the second chapter. Saving children and lifting up cars is not done by an ordinary person. But, who, or what, is Kan? This is not the last of the saving done by this mystery man. Follow the adventure and the cures.

 

This question would haunt him throughout his journey. He found salvation, at least a form of it. But, there was a darkness to his past and a darker future. Follow Kan as he resolves these issues. This is a book with adult content, but also with some very clear messages.

 

For lovers of video games, beware for this book puts a thrilling twist on any alien game ever devised. As you read, you’ll wonder if things like this can ever happen. You’ll see the world around you in a new and sometimes bizarre light. Yes, there is an ending but is it good, bad or something else entirely? Is this the first of a series? It could be, it’s written well enough.

 

For those who like shortcuts, don’t read the first few pages then skip to the end. This is one book where every chapter counts. I recommend this to anyone who likes a good science fiction thriller. Actually, I recommend this for everyone that likes a good book. There is some strong language and adult scenes, but not as graphic to warrant an x rating. It is worth the money and would make a great movie.

 

Currently Dark Wizard is only available as an EBook but will soon be out in paperback. Read the EBook, but pick it up as a paperback to show your friends the book they need to buy.

 

 

 

April 19, 2011

Time moves on

Filed under: humor — unwriter1 @ 8:38 am
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Time Dilation

I can understand Pailwriters point of view with regards to windows. But it does bring a few things to mind. Last and most certainly least are handles. Pail Writer? I can picture stories in the Farmers Gazette about the variety of milk pails, but I don’t think the reference is write. Unwriter is just as bad. Just think of the uncola, anything to be different.

The more important bits that hit my mind (I’m thickheaded so it takes a hammer to knock new ideas in), is high speed development. Since Pailwriter doesn’t use windows, then does he use portholes or does he live in a glass house? That is what many would think when they read a statement like that. Others may think of a security blanket (Peanuts). The fact of the matter is that Linux is a very secure operating system. Another version of this is mandrake (must be magic (Oh wait, I’m showing my years)). Another solid operating system is Mac. So why is the Windows OS (Operating System) so popular? In my opinion it’s the size and advertising budget of Microsoft and a strong influence by Advil (Windows can be a real headache).

The Windows operating system is upgraded every couple of years. Every computer is out of date before it leaves the factory. I guess they call it progress. To put it in a slightly different perspective, Farmers didn’t upgrade their horses every other year. The plow stayed pretty much the same for centuries. In fact, everything stayed the same for years. Then some fool idiot or group of idiots started the machine age. Now everything was made faster but it was also made obsolete faster. Every other decade there would be a new plow. But, the horse stayed the same. That is, until someone learned to ‘harness’ their power and put a bunch of them in one object called a motor. Now technology whizzed right along. Every decade or so plows changed and even the method of pulling that plow got better. The tractor was invented.

But, in the twentieth century, somebody got a bright idea. Actually it was an electrifying idea. At this point, using a few lightbulbs, the tractors could be built day and night. Put lights on the tractor and the tomato field could be planted day or night. Everything is speeding up. A doctor in the nineteen teens said the human body couldn’t take speeds over twenty five miles per hour. Hmmm., the astronauts were going better than 18,000 miles per hour and they were going straight up! What would that doctor think?

Aristotle tried to discover the smallest thing possible. He divided by two until he arrived at something he could not divide and this he named atom. By the middle of the twentieth century, even this was divided. It was a rather explosive idea. Scientists had also discovered many different types of atoms and these were then named elements. So let’s throw these three ideas into our mixmaster and see what we get. A batter made with lightbulbs, electricity and some different elements gives us many things. Our first batch gives us television and radio.  Add a few more years and we get a field called electronics and that gave us computers.

As you may have noticed, Once we hit the technology age, change happens much quicker. We are now at a point where we are using what we can’t see to move us along at speeds we can’t calculate. The horse and plow has moved aside and high speed change has moved in. I guess that explains why we have to get a new version of windows every other week. At the rate it’s going, we’ll have to upgrade yesterday to get what is invented tomorrow or be forever stuck behind the horse and plow.

« Previous PageNext Page »

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.