Lacresha and Lensey Hayes
Lacresha at 21
Truth and Intimacy; A Couples Journey
Today we have the privelege of having Lacresha tell us her side of the story behind Truth and Intimacy; A Couples Journey.
1. How did you and Lensey meet?
We met at his church during a revival.
2. With your troubled past, do you ever have flashbacks? If so, how do you two resolve them?
I don’t have many flashbacks. So, we’ve not had to deal with that so far. I pray I never do have flashbacks.
3. Trust in a marriage is a big issue. In Truth and Intimacy: A Couple’s Journal, you both find this to be a major factor also. How do you counsel others that have had a rough past to show them trust can be rebuilt?
Normally, I tell couples that trust has to be placed in a person through God and Him alone. We are all human. We all make mistakes. There’s no use in allowing a mistake to ruin your relationship. When you are filled with distrust for your spouse, you can’t really enjoy them at all. Everything seems hollow. Life is too short to spend going through the motions like that. Make a decision to forgive and to begin again, repairing the damaged areas. I refuse to stay in a marriage and be unhappy and settle for that. If I’m going to stay, I’m definitely going to make it work.
4. The marriage vows say in sickness and in health. The word sickness covers a broad spectrum. Mistrust and dishonesty, especially with oneself is one form. How do you minister to this?
My grandmother used to tell me this: if you deceive me, there’s some hope, but when you deceive yourself, who can help you then? The answer, of course, is the saving knowledge of Christ. He is TRUTH. However, He doesn’t do it all. He gives us the tools to do it. He gives us courage and strength to face the truth. Most people only lie to themselves because the truth seems too painful to bear. It’s not much different than drinking to cover your fears and issues. Why go through that for a lifetime when you can just go on and get it over with by facing it.
5. Truth and Intimacy is a very catchy title. How much actual input did you have?
All of it. LOL! I’m joking. My husband wrote and rewrote. I wrote and rewrote. It was a group effort. I loved every moment of it.
6. You say you ‘build’ intimacy. Can you expand on that a bit?
It’s not a given. It has to be worked at and worked on. When I see the word intimacy, to be honest, I always think either sex or secrets. The intimacy couples build is secrets, or better worded, a secret place that only they have access to. That has to be built together.
7. Another very good line talks about avoiding those who are brutally honest. Was Lensey this honest?
Gosh no! He’s more like lukewarm honest, or absolutely silent. LOL! He hates hurting people’s feelings so he keeps his trap shut, something I need to learn to do. He’s the nice cop at church. I’m the bad cop. It works out. He’s more modest, reserved, etc. Now, if you can get him to open his mouth, he’ll tell you the truth surrounded with several things to make you feel good about yourself while being rebuked. LOL!
8. It is easy to trust a person that is totally honest. Does the other person’s obvious pain give one a more favorable impression of that person’s honesty?
I surround myself with hard-nosed people. I appreciate honesty. But, when a person is hurt, most of their words cut like a samurai sword. It doesn’t heal, or edify. It only destroys self-esteem, friendships and marriages. Look at it like a doctor with the flu trying to do brain surgery on you. Never mind. I’ll take my chances with my brain issues is the thought that comes to mind. So honesty is good, but only from a compassionate and loving heart.
9. Knowing a person’s painful past can be a deterrent to intimacy. Do you see that as a true statement?
I’m with Lensey on this one. It really all depends. I think that it’s all in the eyes of the beholder.
10. Tell our readers, please, your impressions with the book, Truth and Intimacy: A Couples Journal.
I love our book. I love the real life stories we received from couples. I love the intimate exercises section. I love everything about it. It works. We are proof that it works, even for those who think they are incompatible. Marriage is not about compatibility. It is about commitment. Once you’re in it, you better learn what you must to bring harmony to your home. This book was just a different kind of book altogether. I’m proud that my name is on the cover.
11. How do you go about rekindling romance?
You do it by pushing other things back that distract you, pure and simple. You had romance. What made it diminish? Nine out of ten times, it was responsibilities, duties, you know, bills, children, etc. So, taking some downtime with your spouse goes a long way toward rekindling sparks, lightning, flames or burning infernos (whatever your preference). LOL!
12. You mention supporting your partner’s goals and dreams. Do you feel you have to believe in them also, or just offer positive support?
I think you can pretend to support them and not believe in them. But, to truly support them, you MUST believe in them. You don’t have to understand it all, just believe that your spouse can accomplish whatever it is.
13. Integrity is difficult to put together with intimacy. Can you go into more detail with this?
To tell you a secret, he wanted to talk about intimacy, his specialty. That man is a sure enough sweet guy, all the time. I wanted to talk about truth in relationships, which is my specialty. After discussing it, we found out that they blend seamlessly. You need to know a person, trust them, believe in them, respect them to consider them to say you are intimate with them. It all comes from truth, integrity, and those kinds of things. It just worked together perfectly.